The Fabulous Fischer Five

Around the Hood

2012-02-23T18:47:00.001-08:00

Here's some pics taken from our phones, or pinterest or, you know, World Market.

Like this bed? I totally want this bed frame. And I think my coffee cup looks pretty dang good posing on it. But some people, who I won't name but will say their name rhymes with Rod, don't like it. Even though it was on sale. Some people have no taste. Just kidding, Rod. You're entitled to your opinions; just know that one day you may come home to find this bed in our bedroom....

Moving on.

Here's my youngest on bus stop adventures. He's happiest when his pants are up at his thighs. I'm not sure why. I'm inclined to blame Rod again.

And here's the middle child being, well, the classic middle child. He taught his younger brother how to burp and say "excuse me safety." Yes, we are delighted and proud.

And here's the oldest being her normal diva like self with a slightly bruised nose.

She chose to do her research paper this week on Martin Luther King Jr. because "without him, she wouldn't have Isaac as a brother." We love MLK Jr. Yes, we do.

And last but not least, here I am.....you know, just doing my thing.

Ha ha. I wish.

Dearest Stranger

2012-02-17T19:53:00.000-08:00

Dear Lady at Whole Foods Whom I've Never Met,

I don't even know where to begin. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. One day, I hope to be like you. I hope to walk through the grocery store and find the weary mom and help her. What you did today was probably just a small gesture on your part, but to me, it meant the world. To me, you were a hero. You had no idea what my day had been like up until that point, but I can assure you, it was not good. In fact, it was one of the worst days we've had in a long, long time.

You see, Stranger in the Grocery Store, my son has special needs. And sometimes those needs mean we avoid the public, but today, because of those needs, the public could not be avoided. We had to have things for him to eat, and they had to be purchased at Whole Foods. And my husband is in Ecuador right now, so I had to bring all three kids to run that errand.

So when my youngest was kicking and screaming on the floor because it was a half day and our schedule was out of whack, and because his pants didn't feel right on his legs, and because I had attempted to get him to stop picking his nose - and while my other two were halfway down the aisle yelling to me that they couldn't find the almond milk he needed and everyone else was walking by and staring at me, I wanted to die. And yes Ma'am, I know that sentence was probably a run-on sentence. At least in my deteriorated state of mind I think it was. I don't correct grammar on my blog. I apologize.

But then you came along. And you looked at me kindly and without one iota of judgement in your eyes. And you helped me up. And you sent your teenage daughter down the aisles to grab the last of the things I needed while we waited in line. And as I stood there, I was scared to look at you for fear of crying. But when I did glance up to thank you yet again, you just smiled at me. And your smile and your eyes said "I've been there. You can do this." And then when Owen finally calmed down and was laying on my shoulder merely sobbing instead of screaming his head off and you reached up and rubbed his back and told me you thought he looked really sweet, well I didn't even know what to say.

Stranger, I cannot tell you what that meant to me. I told my sister I thought you were an angel. Because he is sweet. Even when he's not sweet because the world doesn't feel right to him; on the inside, he is still sweet. And somehow you saw that. I was so weary when I left that store. Bone tired after the day we had. But my heart was lit up because I was in awe of your kindness. So thank you. If we one day meet again, I would like to buy you a cup of coffee and tell you what a breath of fresh air you were for those few chaotic minutes in my life. And also, I would like to hire you for all future grocery store outings.

Sincerely,

One Very Grateful Bone Tired Mom

5th Famiversary

2012-02-17T05:57:00.000-08:00

Five years ago today we held him for the first time.

And five years later his smile and sweet and spunky spirit are still rocking our world.

We love you, Isaac David Tadesse Fischer.

More than you could ever know.

V-Day

2012-02-14T12:32:00.035-08:00

Ahhhhh....Valentine's Day.

Can I be honest? I don't really like Valentine's Day. Never have. And this distaste probably originates with the humiliating high school tradition of valentine carnations. You know that tradition where you can order carnations for someone and then they interrupt classes all day to hand them out. And at the end of the day there's this huge unannounced competition as everyone heads to their cars. The parking lot is the stage and everyone stops and stares to see how many carnations you received. And I usually had about one. And it was usually from my friend, Whitney. And I loved it but of course I still felt inept as I watched the other girls curtsy across the stage while showing off their flowers. Okay I may have struggled a teensy tiny little bit with insecurity as a teen. But the tradition continued to annoy me even when I transitioned from student to teacher. I remember my first Valentine's Day as a teacher when my class was interrupted to hand some popular girl a flower that would soon die. I stood there thinking "Oh Crap. They still do this. Seriously?!" (And I also secretly wondered if I would get one.)

But here's the thing, the idea that we only celebrate love one day out of the year annoys me even more than fake carnation popularity contests. And then on the one day that we do celebrate love, the fact that the celebration is so focused on romantic love annoys me even more. And I know everyone says that's not what V-Day is all about, but really, try explaining that to the people who don't have significant others to buy dying carnations for. And I have a significant other to celebrate with, but luckily we both think this holiday is not the best; therefore, we use it as an excuse to compete in buying the other one the funniest card and seeing who laughs the hardest. And by funniest I mean raunchiest. And we haven't exchanged yet this year, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna win.

And please don't misunderstand, I definitely think love is worth celebrating. And I did enjoy watching my children cover each other with hugs and kisses this morning and tell each other what their siblings mean to them. That is definitely worth some celebration. Just the fact that Isaac was hugging Emma Grace rather than hitting her in the head with his wet pull-up was worth celebration. But I think love is worth celebrating every. single. day.

Listen to this:

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have no love, I gain nothing."

1 Corinthians 3:1-3

Read it again.
Holy Cow. Even if I have faith to move mountains, but no love, I am NOTHING. Even if I gave everything I owned to the poor and gave myself up, but don't love, I gain NOTHING.

You know that book I just quoted has a lot of "rules". Many of them are considered pretty strange in today's world: things like don't wear gold jewelry, or braid your hair, or work on Sunday, or give vague and cryptic facebook statuses that nobody can understand (okay I may have made that last one up), but you know what the number one commandment is?

Yup. You guessed it. To Love.

"Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.' "

Matthew 22:37-39

Hhhmmmmm, so the greatest thing we're called to do is love. Maybe somebody tore the page out of my bible that talks about it, but I haven't seen February 14th mentioned in there one time. And I may be going out on a limb here, but I'm thinking if I AM nothing and GAIN nothing without love, I may want to celebrate it more than one day a year whether I have a significant other or a carnation or so many carnations that I'm choking on the carnation stench. I may want to wake up every day and greet those around me with hugs and kisses and love. Because every morning that I wake up, I'm greeted with love. Even on days that I least deserve it, God loves me. Actually, especially on days that I least deserve it, He loves me. And that rocks my socks off.

So enjoy your Valentine's Day. Seriously. Celebrate the crap out of the love you have for your significant other and your children and your parents and your friends. But most of all celebrate the love He has for you, because dude, you are loved. And that is worth celebrating today and tomorrow and maybe even again on Thursday.

Shout Out

2012-02-10T12:00:00.000-08:00

This is a birthday shout out to my sista.

You know the one. I think I've mentioned her on here once or twice before....

Our family was eating lunch with friends the other day after church and Todd made a joke about how often SE (my sister) and I text/talk to each other. The friend said, "do you talk/text every day?"

Todd (laughing): Every day? You mean how many times a day?

Friend: You talk to your sister multiple times a day?!

Me: Ummmmmm yes. Why? Is that unhealthy or weird or something?

Friend: I guess not. I just must not like my sister as much as you like yours.

You must not, friend, because I freaking love mine.

But here's the thing, blog readers, before you judge me on how often I talk to my sister and the possibly unhealthy dependence we have on one another, there are just some important conversations that one has with their sister that they can't have with other people. Like the one we had yesterday for example. And yes, I do realize she might kill me for putting this on my blog, and yes Todd was listening and rolling his eyes at us the whole time, but it's just too funny not to share and it may explain why we talk so much.... Because dude, this girl makes me laugh. And in case you didn't know this about me already, I really like to laugh.

SE: I went to the dollar store today to grab some things and did you know they sell pregnancy tests there?!

Me: Do you need pregnancy tests right now?

SE: No, but they were only a dollar and you know how I like to pee on sticks.

Me: This is true. But you know you have sticks in your backyard, right?

SE: True.

Me: You could put a whole pile of kindling in your bathroom and just pee on as many free sticks as you want.

SE: Yeah, and then I could draw lines on them with a sharpie and they would look like pregnancy tests.

Me: Good idea, SE. Good idea.

So Happy Last Year in Your Twenties, Sarah Ellen!

Sorry I just told the ~~whole world~~ few people that read this blog about your age and your bathroom habits. Ha ha. Hey at least two of those sticks brought you news of the cuties above.

We miss you.

And as usual, I'll talk to you soon......

(if you'll still talk to me after this.)

Superhero Homework

2012-02-09T09:59:00.000-08:00

Even superheroes have to do homework.

Thanks for the genuine smile, Emma Grace.

It is quite lovely. Seriously.

I was Running.....

2012-02-06T07:16:00.000-08:00

Running is real and relatively simple…but it ain't easy.
--Mark Will-Weber

I can't believe I'm about to publicly age myself like this, but here goes. This month marks a special anniversary in my life. It is one that the rest of the world would probably think is very stupid, but this is my blog and personal blogs are obviously narcissistic since they are about the person writing them, so whatevs.......Happy 20th to me.

Twenty years ago this month was the first time I tied on a pair of running shoes for the purpose in which they were intended.

And I sucked at it. In fact I sucked so bad that I didn't even make the junior high track team. And my brother had been the number one half miler at the same school a few years before. Ouch. And if that wasn't bad enough, my brother's coach at the high school called the junior high coach and begged him to let me just practice with the team to prepare for cross country the next fall. So yes, even though I didn't make the team and didn't compete or even have a uniform, I still went to practice every day and watched people lap me. And if you don't think that was humiliating for a junior high girl then you have clearly never been a junior high girl or known a junior high girl. Let's just say that I'm sure I learned a valuable life lesson in that season but I don't remember what it was, because looking back, all I remember is sheer humiliation. Of course at the end of the season, the coach realized that he had made a huge mistake and put me in the final race and I led my team to victory after going toe to toe in the final lap of the mile with the top runner in the state......Ha ha I wish. But this isn't Hollywood. Although if that had happened, I would definitely want either Reese Witherspoon or Claire Danes to play me in the movie.

Anyway - suffice to say, that definitely did not happen.

"The greatest pleasure in life, is doing the things people say we cannot do."
-- Walter Bagehot

But something major did happen.

I started a lifelong love that most people don't understand for putting one foot in front of the other and pushing myself to do the best I can do. Did I improve after that initial humiliating season? Of course. Was I the best in the State? Nope. Not even close. Do I still push myself despite the fact that I could once run a sub 6:00 mile and now.........well, let's just say I haven't been close to a 6:00 mile in a lllooooonnnnnnggggggg time. Yup. As long as these legs are still able, I'm going to keep right on abusing them and praying that insurance will cover the knee and hip replacement surgeries one day.

After high school, I continued to run with a friend in college. After college, I got a job teaching and became a cross country, indoor, and outdoor track coach. After staying home to have babies, I just kept running.

"My feeling is that any day I am too busy to run is a day that I am too busy."
--John Bryant

Running is so many things to me.

I run to eat.
I run to be with God.
I run to have free therapy sessions with friends.
I run to listen to music.
I run to listen to nature.
I run to get out of the house.
I run pushing strollers.
I run by myself.
I run to think.
I run to daydream.
I run to pray.
I run for causes.
I run for no reason at all.
I run short distances.
I run long distances.
I run anywhere.
I run whenever I have the time to tie my shoes and squeeze one in.
I run because it feels good.
I run even when it doesn't feel good.
I run to run.
I run to feel capable.
I run to stretch my legs.
I run through injury.
I run in spite of weather.
I run to sweat.
I run because I like to run.
I run because I love the way I feel after a run.
Dang some days I don't even know why I run, but I do.
(And yes I feel like quoting the Forest Gump movie right now.....but I'll spare you.)

I run because it literally changes my perspective on life.

I run because when I run it's just me and the pavement and nobody expects anything from me. There is nobody on the sidelines cheering me on or urging me to go faster. There's only the challenge I've put before myself to get out there, to put one foot in front of the other, to push through the hill so I can coast on the other side, to tack on one more mile, to surge for thirty seconds, to do a negative split, to do whatever it is I push myself to do. And sometimes I push myself to do nothing except survive the run. And there is something so freeing in that. I know when I get home there will be expectations for me. There will be dishes to be washed and clothes to be folded and kids to be loved and a husband to support, and those are all great things, but for those few miles, it is just me and God. And that pavement? It just twists and turns and leads me in a certain direction without expecting anything back. And there is beauty in that.

"For me, like so many others, running is the answer. Out on the road it is just you, the pavement, and your will."
--JOHN BINGHAM

Blondie

2012-02-02T11:40:00.000-08:00

Ever wondered what Isaac would look like with my blonde hair?

Well, now you know.

You're welcome.

Smiley McSmilington

2012-01-31T19:20:00.000-08:00

His smile is back.

We're working on bringing the appetite back with it.

Honesty

2012-01-28T11:27:00.000-08:00

Just being honest.

This is what I looked like last night (minus the glasses and the bright red lipstick):

And my sister got to hear the brunt of it, bless her little heart.

Things are looking up today.

For one thing, I finally slept.

For another, Owen ate some french fries today so that's good.

I'm about to put on my running shoes and go pound it out through the pavement.

Thank you so much for your encouraging comments and texts and emails.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Life ain't always easy.

2012-01-26T19:16:00.000-08:00

You know what sucks about chronic illness?

That word "chronic."

It means you may have a good spell for longer than you thought possible, but those nasty white blood cells that attack, inflame, and irritate? Those suckers come back.

We've been through several steroid treatments this week and nothing is working.

We started an antibiotic today to rule out possible infection.

But at the root of it, we're thinking the EE is back.

And that makes me sad.

Dude, I so don't like weeks like this:

Waiting to see what the antibiotic does.

Waiting on decisions from UNC.

Waiting to sleep again.

And I'm not gonna lie, we need more than sleep.

We need rest. You know what I mean?

So I'm praying this verse with a vengeance this week. And I know God will be faithful.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

-Matthew 11:28-29

Fig Newton Fiasco

2012-01-24T07:42:00.000-08:00

Last year Owen turned 2 the day after we moved into our new home. And his "celebration" if we can even call it that left much to be desired. We had dinner at Moe's since my kitchen was in the midst of being painted and unpacked. His "cake" was made of fig newtons and icing. Wouldn't you love to see pictures of that? Me too. But I didn't even take my camera. As I said, lackluster......

So hopefully this year made up for that in some way. We still didn't have a huge party because Owen would not enjoy that, but we did have cake and presents and a camera.

Here we are making icing on Saturday morning. The kids were super helpful. They bugged me constantly to lick the beaters and even spilled powdered sugar all over the counter and floor.

Owen LOVED his Spiderman cake......until it was time to eat it.

Todd gently persuaded him to try it and got him to eat it by trading off bites. I think it's safe to say that it wasn't his favorite thing in the world:

He may not have loved the cake, but he did LOVE this alarm clock.

That could be because it's the coolest alarm clock ever!

Thanks to our family and friends who came to help celebrate.

You guys rock and I think this year went a little better than the fig newton fiasco of 2011.

Little Angel

2012-01-22T18:24:00.000-08:00

Saturday was a day full of celebration for our family. It was such a blessing to celebrate Owen's third birthday and reflect on how far he has come this year. I will post pictures of his birthday, but it feels weird to do that without first honoring the life of a sweet little girl who was buried that same day. I never met Claire, but her mother and I were close friends and running buddies in high school and I've followed her caring bridge page and joined an army of prayer warriors for this sweet little girl and her parents. Sometimes our prayers aren't answered in the way we desire and God called Claire home last week. Please please please pray for the Ratliff family as they continue down the difficult road that has been laid before them. They have been true examples of God's love and faith throughout this terrible journey. Even now, they march on through their grief and continue to raise support and awareness for a cure for cancer. They are an inspiration to many and my heart absolutely breaks for them.

There were many, many, many times (too many to count) before we walked to the starting line of a cross country race that Emily, myself, and five other girls would stand, hold hands, pray for strength in the coming race, and recite the second part of this verse. It only seems fitting that I pray this verse for them now. May He give strength to them in their weariness. May He catch them when they stumble and fall, and most of all, may the days seem short until they too soar on wings like eagles and join their little girl in His kingdom.

Isaiah 40:18-31
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

(Pic from Claire's caringbridge page.)

Phone Collage

2012-01-19T12:06:00.000-08:00

Just playing with pics from my phone, Todd's phone, and my sister's phone.

Didn't know I could make a collage.

Kind of cool.

Beats laundry, which is definitely what I should be doing right now.

Big things happening this weekend.

Somebody is turning 3.

I will be making my first wheat free, gluten free, dairy free, soy free, egg free, and peanut free cake ever.

Pretty sure it's going to taste like styrofoam with icing on top.

Wish me luck.

A Quick Update

2012-01-14T17:33:00.000-08:00

We had the best appointments to date yesterday morning.

Owen saw my challenge of 27 pounds and nailed it. He was an ounce shy of 28 pounds!! 28! This placed him solidly in the 10th% height per weight, which is amazing. That is the first time he's hit the double digits percentile wise since he was about 12 months old. So for those of you math wizards, yes, that would be almost two full years.

There is some freedom we've been longing for that comes with being in the tenth percentile:

1. No more chin support and structured meals unless he refuses to self feed.

2. The doctors are comfortable enough to tinker with one of his meds by bringing the dosage down a little bit and also trying a cheaper brand. (Right now it costs us $400 every 6 weeks. Yowza.)

3. Our next appointment at UNC Children's is in two months. Yes, that said two m.o.n.t.h.s!! Woo to the Hoo! (I remember when we were making that drive multiple times a week not too long ago so this is beyond thrilling.)

4. At our next appointment, if he is still doing as well as right now, we will meet with the whole team and he will most likely graduate out of the Feeding Program.

5. Yes, there will be a party. Don't know where yet, but I'll keep ya posted. :)

He is still on a very restricted diet and still needs special formula, but nine months ago we were told by UNC that they were at the end of the road with Owen. Short of a feeding tube, they had done everything they could do and he still wasn't progressing like he should.

Yesterday we were told that we will most likely be done with intensive feeding therapy in two months.

That is nothing short of God hearing our pleas and blessing us beyond measure.

So thank you, prayer warriors (you know who you are), for coming alongside us and fighting with us and speaking on our behalf and challenging us to trust in Him in ALL circumstances.

He is faithful.

Trouble with a Capital T

2012-01-12T13:06:00.000-08:00

I got in trouble yesterday. Big trouble. If I was in school, I have a feeling I would have been writing the sentence "I will not torture my child" on the board 150 times.

We have OT every Wednesday morning and Ms. Ashley came out to the lobby to get Owen and turned to me incredulously, "did you cut his hair?!"

Me (sensing her obvious disapproval but not quite understanding why): "Yes."

"With clippers?!"

"Yes?"

"Did he freak out?"

(Uh-oh. I thought about asking her to define "freaking out" but I was pretty sure covering his ears and begging me to stop would fall under that definition..... What to do here?.....I know, I'll do the mature thing and blame Owen.)

"Yes, but he's the one who wanted me to cut it! He wanted to look like his brother."

"Well, how did you get him to sit still?"

"Ummmmmmm.....I may have pinned him down and cut it really short so it would be a long time before he needed another hair cut."

If looks could kill......I would be buried six feet under right now.

"Mrs. Fischer, next time you want to cut his hair please let me know. I have a whole booklet of tips that will make it much less traumatic for him or we can do it here together."

"Right. Okay. I will definitely do that. Sorry."

After they left for the therapy rooms, Isaac (who was home sick) turned to me and said: "Mommy? Did you just get in trouble?" Yup. Big trouble. Because once again, I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I try to look at the world through Owen's eyes and understand how it feels to him, but clearly sometimes I fail. And that was an epic fail.

You see, the minute the clippers touched his scalp, I knew he didn't like it but it was too late. I knew it was freaking him out so I handled it the same way I handle the things in my life that I don't like: I barreled through and got it over with as quickly as I could. I cut it a lot shorter than I wanted to so he wouldn't have to go through that again any time soon. I thought that was being sensitive to his needs. Apparently not. Apparently I should have researched and learned the best ways to make him comfortable during the hair cut. Or maybe we should just go for the shaggy look from here on out?

Sorry, sweet boy.

Mama's learning.

In other news, it's crunch time.

Tomorrow is hospital day. We will spend the morning at UNC with various doctors and nutritionists. We have allowed more self feeding the last six weeks and tomorrow is crunch time. If his weight is up, we can continue giving him more freedom with eating. If his weight is down or remains the same, we tighten the reins once again and go back to all structured meals.

Please please please pray for a weight gain.

I've been wanting to see 27 pounds for a long time!

As for Ms. Ashley?

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Whew. Lesson Learned.

The Grands

2012-01-07T18:36:00.000-08:00

Found this pic on Todd's phone from Christmas Day.

Here's Nana and Popeye with all seven grandkids.

Lainey's face was obscured, Cameron has a death grip on Sparta, and Luke is definitely not sure what Isaac is doing to him; but seriously, could they be any cuter?

Thanks Mom and Dad for putting up with all the chaos and shenanigans!

Welcome, 2012.

2012-01-03T11:35:00.000-08:00

Well hello there, 2012.

Gotta admit - the Fischer family is glad you are finally here.
2011 had some great moments, but it is so last year.

We're ready to usher in a new year full of hope and even more healing.

We're ready to take the lessons we were given last year and put them to good use. Lessons on pride, and prayer, and friendship, and hope. And that's my resolution this year. Losing weight and reading more and keeping a cleaner house and all those typical resolutions would be great if they happen, but I feel like God has been speaking to me in a big way the past few years and so this year, I want to focus on those things. Maybe you can relate? Maybe not. Maybe you're already bored with my self-indulgent post......If so, go check your facebook page or something. No hard feelings. I promise.

Lesson Number One that I'm still trying to learn:
Let Go of Pride.
I am continuing to learn that sometimes we have to let go of pride and let other people help us. We need to admit when we can't do it all on our own. For example, before we left for NJ, we were anonymously given $500 in cash and at first embarrassment followed by guilt consumed me. What if the people who donated that needed it more than us? What if they never knew, because I couldn't write them a thank you note, how much it meant to us? What if they never knew that the money they donated paid for gas and meals and hospital parking and was actually much needed and helped immensely with our travel expenses? I doubt they do know, unless they just happen to read this blog, in which case, THANK YOU!!

Lesson Number Two that I should have learned a LONG time ago:
Prayer Works!

I know, I know.....I've been praying for how many years?! I believe in prayer and always have, but this year I felt it. Really really felt it. I learned that God can truly give you a peace that surpasses all understanding when you're in the midst of a crisis. That peace could only come from Him and I'm forever thankful for it.

Lesson Number Three:
Kids are a lot smarter than you think!

I learned that sometimes a toddler can teach you more lessons than you teach him. He can teach you about strength, and smiling through pain, and how being "different" isn't a bad thing. He can teach you about embracing people as they are and letting go of the expectations you (and society) once had for them. And that ain't easy, but when you do it, man does it feel good.

I learned that my 5 and 7 year old are two of the strongest, most sympathetic people I know. They love their brother with such depth. They are so understanding of his needs and they watch out for him like hawks. They amaze me.

Lesson Number Four:
Men and Women are Different.

Okay technically I think we've all known this one for awhile, you know the whole "Mars and Venus" and whatnot. But this past year I learned just how different we are. I learned that my husband and I grieve and handle situations very differently and we had to work really hard to figure out how to best support the other through the tough times. It wasn't easy work, but it was worth it. We are closer now than ever, and on the plus side, it's rare that we're both down at the same time which works out quite well for us. And when we are both down at the same time, we know to turn to God and humor. And yes, I believe those two go hand in hand. I believe God wants us to be able to laugh at things in life, even the difficult things. Laughter to me doesn't mean we're avoiding or shutting out sad feelings; it just means we're trying to keep it all in perspective. Which leads me to lesson five.....

And Last but Not Least, Lesson Number Five:
Pinterest Rocks.
Wow. Now that is ~~deep~~ mundane. But sort of seriously........pinterest has inspired me to finish some house projects we started a year ago so maybe that can be one of my resolutions too? Or do they all need to be serious and soul searching?

So I guess what I'm trying to say through my super long, self indulgent post is that 2012 is the year I hope to soak up some more valuable lessons and continue to rely on God through the rough days.......and on the good days, I hope to be inspired by pinterest and Home Depot to finish some house projects. :)

Oh and if I happen to acquire a ripped stomach without ever actually having to do a sit-up, that would be cool too. I've been trying for years. Maybe I should just hope that this is the year muffin tops come back in style.......

What about you?
Any fun and/or serious goals for 2012?

Christmas 2011

2011-12-31T08:22:00.000-08:00

We got back from our Christmas Adventures yesterday afternoon.

And as Todd and the kids unloaded the car, I started taking down the decorations because once I decide they should come down, every minute thereafter they only taunt me with their whole "your favorite time of the year is over but you're still stuck looking at the remnants and realizing how quickly time passes and that you're only getting older and you only have a few more years before your kids realize the truth behind all the Santa hoopla....." Or something like that.

So the house is barren until next December when we once again celebrate the miracle of Christ's birth.

But until then, 2011 was a good Christmas full of family and fun and really bad photography. Seriously. I have so few pictures to document this Christmas that I'm ashamed of myself. I would like to say it was because I was too busy living in the moment, but really, I just kept thinking I should go get the camera, but I'm too lazy right now.

I'll do better next Christmas. Promise.

Here's what I do have to offer in way of pictures:

The excitement of Christmas Eve and new pajamas (courtesy of Grandma. Thanks!!)

The infamous tradition of a Christmas Eve bedtime story (courtesy of Chips. Thanks!!)

Isaac playing with his new bay blades. (Courtesy of Santa)

Emma Grace and Cecile. (Again, courtesy of Santa.)

Me, in Todd's old ugly flannel shirt, and my babies on Christmas morning.

A diva and her daddy.

My beautiful baby sister with my beautiful and very tired baby.

Five of the seven Roberts grandkids in their new fun slippers. (Courtesy of Nana. Thanks!!)

So there you have it.

Pictures of Christmas 2011 minus more than a few key players and moments.

More to come on wrapping up 2011; right now new toys and games and three excited kids beckon me from the playroom.

I hope you and yours had as wonderful a Christmas as the Fischer Five were blessed to have.

Discipline Gone Awry

2011-12-19T18:25:00.000-08:00

Gotta love a post about discipline, right?

Sometimes in our house we're really good about discipline. Sometimes ~~occasionally~~ we have those moments that would make the Super Nanny proud. You know, the moments where you stay calm, get down to eye level and gently and lovingly explain consequences while your child listens intently and shows exactly the right amount of sorrow and regret over their misbehavior. They then follow up with a heartfelt apology you didn't have to ask for and you have a beautiful hugging moment.....and the next time the camera comes around "two weeks later" even though you and your children are all wearing the exact same outfits, all your problems have magically been solved by a naughty mat......

Other times?

Well, other times in our house discipline goes about like what happened last night:

The children had destroyed the play room and wanted to watch a Christmas video. After dinner, I told them to go clean the play room before they were allowed to watch the video. About two minutes into the supposed "cleaning" I hear Owen upstairs running back and forth on the landing and laughing hysterically.

Me: (yelling upstairs) Owen, are you cleaning?

Owen: (yelling back down) No.

Me: What did you just say?!

Owen: No. I not cleaning.

(Long Pause while I try to decide if I want to take the effort to go upstairs and effectively discipline)

Owen: Mommy? I say I not helping clean!

Me: (Obviously deciding I don't want to) Great sentence Owen, but do you need a spanking?

Owen: No!

Me: Then you need to go help clean.

Owen: Okay, Mommy.

I hear him go into the playroom.

I hear some loud noises.

Emma Grace: OUCH!! Owen, why are you hitting me?!

Owen: Mommy said spanking.

And that, my friends, is how we discipline around here some nights. I know you're crazy jealous at how effective I am.

And no, because I know you're all wondering, I still did not go upstairs.

I know, I know - Mother of the Year Award?

Not sure if I'll ever earn it at this rate.

But maybe this tough little disciplinarian should?

Sometimes Fake Breasts are the Best.

2011-12-15T11:31:00.000-08:00

Like my catchy title?

I'm posting this for a dear friend who reads this blog, who told me she always needs humor, and who is by far one of the bravest people I know.

You know who you are.

And I know you will still be the same beautiful person after January 5th as you are now.

And I hope you know I love you and I'm praying for you!

Awkward......

2011-12-14T19:53:00.000-08:00

If you're looking to waste some time and need a chuckle, google "awkward family photos." Hilarious. And also scary because I'm pretty sure I had some of those outfits and could submit some similar pics.

I didn't have time to look through all the pages because I'm a busy mother of three.....and obviously I needed to get back to facebook and pinterest, but these two pics really made me laugh. A lot.

Who needs a five point harness if you have a bungee cord?
Baby in a Bungee

I'm a little bit sad I had my tubes tied because now Todd and I can't do this. And we would have looked good in this pose:
Pregnant and ???????

Seriously?

Diva's Day

2011-12-06T07:24:00.000-08:00

"It sometimes happens, even in the best of families, that a baby is born. This is not necessarily cause for alarm. The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money."

-Elinor Goulding Smith

Seven years ago today this little diva made me a mom.

It has been the best and worst and most glorious and most frustrating role of my life. Someone, and I can't remember who because my brain cells have deteriorated with each child, once said that "being a mother is the hardest job you'll ever love."

True dat.

So happy birthday to my only daughter.

Without you, this house would have way TOO much testosterone flowing through it. And I'm pretty sure none of the boys would be as honest about how clothes look on me as you are.

I love you, sweet girl!

Happy Referraliversary!

2011-12-05T09:46:00.000-08:00

Seriously?!

Has it been five years since I carried a picture around everywhere I went until his little body was safely in my arms?

Has it really been five years since my world was turned upside down by adoption?

Five years?!

Nope, Isaac.

I am thankful for YOU!

You are my sweet, silly, cuddly, burpalicious, happy, nintendo loving, hugging, active, goofy, not so little anymore boy.

You rock my world.

Deck Half the Halls....

2011-12-02T11:40:00.000-08:00

We got most of the house decorated.

And in true Rachel fashion, much to the chagrin of my mother, I've hit a standstill halfway through the project. The foyer is still littered with red bins waiting for inspiration to hit me again. I really do believe people can change, but apparently my lack of drive to finish a project I've started is still as strong within me as it was in high school. Sorry, Mom. I'll work on it.....eventually. By the time Christmas morning rolls around, the bins will be back in the attic where they belong. Although, maybe I should just leave them out until January when it's time to take everything down? Really that makes more sense.

Anyway......

Welcome, December.

Please stay awhile.

Don't fly by like you always do because then we're just left with January and cold and crowded gyms and broken resolutions.

This week also brought coughing and fevers and a little something called pneumonia for this almost 7 year old.

And though she's most distraught about missing a week of school, her youngest brother has thoroughly enjoyed having her at home.

Here he is helping her work on sentences on the computer.

And here he is just looking cute.

(At least that's my opinion.)

And here he is looking quite bored because I made his entertainment lay down for a bit.

December, you can stay with your lights and your music and your anticipation of family and good times to come.

Pneumonia, feel free to leave. Soon.

You have worn out your welcome.

Bring on the Holidays!

2011-11-28T07:48:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving has come and gone.

It was a great holiday, and it's passing means it is now officially time to fly my holiday freak flag. We will ignore the fact that it's currently 72 degrees outside and pull red rubber maid bins out of the attic. It's time to blast the Christmas tunes and curse the tangled mess of lights and figure out where everything will go in a new home this year.

However, I'm under very very strict instructions that I'm not allowed to do any of that until a yellow school bus brings home a certain pig-tailed beauty this afternoon. In fact, here is what I am allowed to do before she gets home:

1. go to the grocery store and purchase the hot chocolate.

2. I can listen to some Christmas music.

3. And if I absolutely can't control my urges, I can hang the stockings.

Here's what I'm not allowed to do:

1. Hang any lights.

2. Open any ornament boxes.

3. Anything else that has anything else to do with merriment and decorating without her.

(I don't usually let her make up the rules, but this is kind of our thing so I'll wait. The boys usually last about 0.34 seconds into the decorating and then the holiday decor turns into some sort of superhero weaponry.)

So, before the merriment begins at approximately 3:43 this afternoon, here's a recap of another awesome Thanksgiving full of food, fun, and family.

It started off with a rough transition for the youngest. The first morning he shut down, but after a few hours and the discovery of a nerf gun (thanks, Trevor!) he was back to his normal smiling self. Yay.

These boys were busy. Their shenanigans included, but were not limited to, wrestling, climbing dressers to try to turn on the television, torturing their sisters, wrestling, eating string cheese like it was going out of style, wrestling, boating, biking, wrestling, putting shoes on ceiling fan blades and then turning the fan on and watching them fly, falling into the pool while playing a game of frisbee, did I mention wrestling?, etc, etc.

I know. They look so sweet in the picture. Don't be fooled. :)

And these two girls?

They pretty much showed up at meal times and then disappeared again. They spent the majority of the trip downstairs for what my brother-in-law deemed "Full Contact Crafting."

The trip included venturing out to see holiday lights and attempting group photos.

Quick respite from photographing for an impromptu dance party....

And here are the hosts of the weekend with all six of their grandbabies:

Thank you Grandma and Chips for a wonderful Thanksgiving!! Thanks for the housing, the food, the frying, the new kicks for O-dawg, and especially for all the good laughs.

We love you.

Nap? I Don't Need No Stinkin' Nap!

2011-11-20T16:59:00.000-08:00

This is my third time around, Owen.

And I know you don't believe me, but I actually do know what I'm talking about.

~~some of the time....~~

And yes, you still need to nap occasionally.

Otherwise, you just end up looking like this:

I'm just sayin'.

Don't give it up all at once. Maybe nap every other day or something?

Phase it out.

It will be easier on all involved.

And trust me, Mama knows best.

This ain't my first rodeo.

I Love Them.

2011-11-17T19:01:00.000-08:00

The End.

The Dream

2011-11-16T11:59:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,

I've been a pretty good girl this year. Can I have this kitchen, please?

Sincerely,

Rachel

Kissing Queen

2011-11-09T18:29:00.000-08:00

"Mom, today on the field trip I couldn't tell anybody that my favorite part of the play was when the princess kissed the boy at the end because everybody else thought it was really gross. But I liked it."

Oh My.

Todd, we may need that shotgun sooner than you think.

You have arrived at your destination.

2011-11-08T10:47:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Norming.

I'll be honest, there were days I never thought I would get here. I mean arriving in the land of Norming seemed as far away as my dream of going to Hawaii or getting to use the bathroom in peace, both equally impossible at this juncture in my life.

But one day a few weeks ago I woke up and thought wow, I think I might be there. I think it might be time to unpack my bags and settle in and stay awhile.

And for those of you who are confused, you may want to go back and read my post from that awful day in June To Publish or Not to Publish; the one where I ended up looking super cool laying on the floor of a hotel gym with my eyes swelled shut from crying. You may remember me discussing the four emotional stages one is likely to go through when getting the news that your child has special needs. Stages like mourning, storming, performing, and finally, oh finally, norming.

And I did each stage. Multiple times. Honestly, I think my husband tried to cheat and skip a few, but we decided that I traveled through each stage enough for the both of us. I cried and gnashed my teeth. I (and I'm really not proud to admit this) resented other families with "typical" two year old's. I cried for the struggles Owen has now and will continue to have in the future. I got angry with God. (In fact, we had to take a time out for awhile. And thankfully that doesn't mean I stopped believing in Him and His power. I made sure He still heard about Owen, just not through me. It was the kind of timeout where you text a friend and say something really mature like "Hey, could you pray for Owen for me? I'm not talking to God right now." And the friend would write something back like "yup, got you covered" because she understood that I needed to be angry and I would come out the other side of it feeling even closer to Him. And I did.) I did the storming and the researching and the googling and the trips to the special needs section at the library and the educating. I did the performing. I called multiple doctors and therapists and schools and we have a kick-butt team now. Everybody is working together and my lil' man is making some serious progress and it feels good. But acceptance feels even better than his progress. Acceptance that progress for Owen looks a lot different than progress for another child and that is perfectly okay. Acceptance that one day he will be feeding himself and using the potty, but it might not be one day soon. Acceptance that one day he may go to a birthday party and play with the other kids there, but it might not be one day soon. Acceptance that other two year old's may be more verbal and may not be obsessed with spoons and may be more "typical" but every kid is special. And my Owen? He's special in a way that makes him who he is. And I love who he is. And God knit him together in my womb and I don't think he messed up one teeny-tiny little bit.

So am I in Norming?

I think so, peoples. I think I've learned that norming doesn't mean I never have a moment of grief or that I never read another article or question a doctor. I think Norming means knowing this is life now and coming to love it despite its difficulties. I think Norming includes occasional fears about the future, but overall, greeting each day with hope and trust.

So we're going to unpack our bags and stay awhile in the land of Norming. We're going to continue praying and brushing and wrapping and feeding and medicating and researching and knowing that, despite all the "atypical," this life that Owen leads is going to be a great one.

We accept.

We hope.

We norm.

And dang it feels good.

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at it destination full of hope."

Maya Angelou

Big Day

2011-11-02T19:12:00.000-07:00

Any guesses what we did today?

Actually, before we made that mess in the bathroom, we did some of this:

Yup - that's my boy feeding himself with a spoon for the first time. Look at that wide open mouth and the tongue that is down and not curled up at the back of his mouth. That's just a whole lot of awesomeness right there!

Then later in the day after naps and runs, my middle kid decided he wanted to say goodbye to his curls. And then of course his baby bro, who wants to be just like him, wanted to say goodbye to his hair too. And I thought I would be sad, but we literally had a hair cutting blast. I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. And even though they both look older, they are still pretty stinkin' cute.

And I know Owen will probably kill me for this one day, but I had to show off his outfit. He now has to wear this compression on his torso 30 minutes on, 30 minutes off all the live long day. And when he didn't want to put it back on tonight, his brother (and idol) told him he looks like a superhero in it. Thank you, Isaac!! You absolutely amaze me with your sympathy towards others and the way you always want to help Owen.

So here's my little superhero showing me his muscles:

And here he is putting plastic knives in the VCR. (Apparently his super power is putting things where they don't belong when he thinks Mom's not looking.....)

And what was the diva doing during all her brother's hair cutting shenanigans?

Coloring quietly in the corner, of course.

Third Time's a Charm

2011-11-01T08:17:00.000-07:00

So apparently Owen finally learned that ~~Helloween~~ Halloween is not the worst thing in the world.

Exhibit A: The Unhappy Pumpkin of 2009

Exhibit B: The Unhappy Spider of 2010

And finally, Exhibit C: The Happy Spiderman of 2011

Aside from the unpleasant weather that rained on our parade down spooky sidewalks to gather candy from multiple strangers, last night's Halloween was quite a pleasant experience.

We traded strollers for umbrellas and on our seventh year of our Holland/Fischer Family Halloween Tradition, all six of our trick or treaters were happy. No small feat; believe me.

And here are the two that started all our Halloween traditions and adventures...then and now:

The kids also went to a Trunk or Treat at their cousin's church on Friday night. They enjoyed the haunted house, costume competition, games and candy followed by a sleepover.

And now we're all trying to come down from our sugar high.

And speaking of sugar highs, Christina stopped by for a bit with her three double stuffed oreos and I cold eat this one with a spoon.

She's so cute it hurts.

Happy November 1st!

Happy My Stomach Hurts from Eating so much Junk Month.

Awwwww......The Good Ole' School Lunch Table

2011-10-25T07:30:00.000-07:00

Had lunch at the school yesterday with this handsome fellow:

I sat at a table with him and about six other five year old boys and one girl.

Here is just a sample of some of the questions/comments that took place in case you're wondering what happens at the lunch table of five year old boys:

Are you really his mom?

No, I mean like really? Are you his real mom?

Have you ever thrown up before?

What did it look like?

Has Isaac ever thrown up before?

Did his throw up look the same as yours?

Well, he told me he threw up once, but I didn't know if it was true.

Have you ever picked your nose?

I pick my nose all the time.

Has Isaac ever had a whoopin'?

What? Why did he get one this morning?

I get whoopins sometimes too.

Is Isaac really gonna be Iron Man for Halloween?

Well, I'm going to be a Power Ranger and I think that's cooler than Iron Man.

Did you think Isaac was cute as a baby?

Oh, you still think he's cute?

I think he's cute too. (says the lone girl)

Oh my.

Hot Diggity Dog!

2011-10-18T18:46:00.000-07:00

Holy Nondescript looking Sensory Brush, Batman,

this thing actually works!

We've been through a lot over the last 3 years and one thing I've learned is that doctors and therapists don't always have all the answers and sometimes I have to trust my gut instinct.

And sometimes I don't.

Because recently, my gut instinct was dead wrong.

Long story short, the picture above is known as a sensory brush. It is supposed to help the connections between Owen's brain and his senses by stimulating his nerve endings or something complex like that.

"The DPPT uses a specific pattern of stimulation delivered using a special type of brush and gentle joint compressions. It is believed to facilitate the coordination of mind-brain-body processes in a manner that influences positive change. It is applied every two hours for a number of days, which is specified by through the collaborative process between the recipient of the protocol and the trained therapist."

Rrrriiiiiiggggggghhhhhhhhttttttttt........[Occupational Therapist] who I just met five minutes ago, you want me, in addition to doing structured meals every three hours throughout the day, to now strip down this same child every two hours and "brush" him and compress his joints? And this is going to make a difference how exactly?

Well the truth is, even after explaining how exactly they hope it does make a difference, I still don't understand all of it. BUT, it DOES make a difference. So, as hard as it has been to throw my skepticism out the window and embrace the brush; embrace it, I will.

And here's one BIG reason why:

Yes, my fellow (possibly skeptical) people, what you saw was not a fancy camera trick and I promise that is in fact Owen strapped into the chair. What you witnessed was Owen self feeding his very first turkey dog. Not pureed.

Notice there was no gagging or vomiting involved. There were some tears, but they were mine not his, so they don't count.

So yes, we will continue brushing and compressing joints for as long as we are told to continue doing it because it. is. making. a. difference.

And you know what else?
My boy likes it. He often brings the brush to me.

He likes it even when we're in the middle of a pumpkin patch with very little privacy.

And I like it too.
Even when he makes me sing the embarrassing song we made up for brushing in the middle of the pumpkin patch with very little privacy.

Here's a list of some differences the brush has made:

1. His vocabulary has erupted.
2. He played in sand the other day. And enjoyed it.
3. He is more open to trying some new foods. You saw the hot dog, right?
4. He has been transitioning better at school.
5. He conquered the boat at the mall play area.
6. He has been happier all around.
7. His energy level has increased.
8. He has been more engaged with others.
9. We're seeing fewer temper tantrums.
10. He is now potty trained, cleaning his own room, cooking his own food, and he even walked the dog the other day. (Okay - it's not a miracle brush, but we're still super excited about the progress he is making!!)

So obviously, I am now a sensory brush supporter. I may even start my own support group or pyramid sales team to sell these puppies to people who need them.

Let me know if you're interested.

And to sum up in case you got bored while reading -
Owen finally ate some processed crap that none of us should be eating.
And we could not be more proud.

Besties

2011-10-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

So you know how I was worried about writing too much about the hard times in life? Well get ready for a plethora of pictures that counteract the hard days. Get ready for Sap City. In fact, if you don't like sappy posts, you may want to skip this and check back in later for more reality and sarcasm. Because if I had been a movie character today, I would have been Rapunzel from the movie, Tangled. You know the scene where she finally gets out of the tower and she's swinging around the tree screaming "Best Day Ever!" at the top of her lungs? That totally would have been me today.

Because today was all about the meat of life. You know what I mean? It was one of those days where we ignored the laundry and the many tasks that needed to be done and spent it where it really mattered - with the people we love. Plans changed at the last minute and Todd took the kids to soccer while I met Whitney and Hogan for lunch. I got to hug on this sweet baby boy and his mama. In fact, we hugged so much in the parking lot that people may have gotten the wrong idea. We didn't have long so we soaked up every second of our 120 minutes together with laughter, tears, and good old baring of the souls. Soul baring like you can only do with the people who have known you since you tight rolled your jeans and had three layers of bangs stacked on top of your head and sprayed with so much hairspray that a tornado could not have moved them.

Love ya my fruit loop sista! I know Colorado is cool and all, but I'm about to launch an all-out, no holds bar campaign to get your skinny butt back to NC where it belongs. You've been warned.

After lunch, I ran home to grab the rest of my crew and we headed to Hillridge Farms for more fun with friends. It was a beautiful day and the kids had a blast.

And continuing on with the theme of friends.....here's some more besties: You know - the people who go through the good and the bad of life with you. People like Donnie and Cinda who drive all the way to New Jersey to help you when your littlest needs special treatment. People like Joel and Erika who make you laugh until you cry and show up when you're having a bad day just so you can go for a run. People like your own kids who know you inside and out and love you in spite of your many flaws.)

And these two? They have been friends since they were toddling around. And they still love each other and I hope they survive the teenage years only to find that one day when they live across the country from one another, they too will soak up any amount of time they can have together. I hope they will love each other's children like their own. I hope they will stand outside of a Moe's and hug each other for an embarrassing amount of time.

Because the blessing of true friends is one of God's greatest gifts.

And I am blessed immeasurably.

For Realz?

2011-10-14T11:44:00.000-07:00

Ever had one of those days where you get a surprise phone message from your oldest friend (who currently lives in Colorado) and she says, "hey - what time are your kids soccer games tomorrow? I'm coming to watch them play and hang out with your family."

Seriously?

I knew she was going to be in Charlotte sometime this week, but seriously?!

Come on, Auntie Whitney!

(here with Owen shortly after birth)

We CANNOT WAIT to see you and your own adorable little boy!

Best. Surprise. Ever.

Good Friends and Technological Addictions and Boots and Other Random Nothingness

2011-10-12T13:59:00.000-07:00

Good friends are those who have 3 babies around the same time as your 3 babies so there will always be a potential playdate when you get together. The largest age gap between any two of our kids is six months and they all adore each other.

Owen and I rushed home from OT this morning to a waiting Leah Kate and as soon as we ran in the door, they were yelling each others names from opposite ends of the house and running to greet one another. They played all morning and when they started begging for lunch at 10:40, I did what every good and creative mother/caretaker would do.....plopped them in front of the tv for some Backyardigans to hold them off for another half hour.

And as I snapped pictures of them loving on each other, it reminded me of their older siblings around the same age.

(Okay the boys are a little bit younger here.....but as they are both middle children, there just were not as many shots to choose from. Sorry Isaac and Ben. I'll make it up to you one day. We'll have a full blown photo shoot with wardrobe changes and all the works. Of course it is also possible that there aren't as many shots of you two because you rarely sit still when you're together. Just sayin'.....)

Anyway there's just nothing quite like a date with good friends and my boy deserved it after his workout this morning. We're adjusting to our various new therapies; He enjoys seeing Ms. Ashley even though he has to wear compression vests with weights while pulling heavy things, getting messy, and basically pushing himself to do things he would rather not do. Go Owen. You rock with your bad weight lifting 2 year old self. Pretty soon you'll move from the "low tone" title to Heavy Weight Toddler. I just know it.

Thanks Leah Kate for being here to greet us when we walked through the door. Thanks for trying to teach Owen how to use the potty and asking if you two could watch Harry Potter. You make me laugh.

In Other News?

Todd has me hooked on Pandora Radio.

Did you know you can just type in an artist and they will play songs by that artist and others with similar sounds for free? Wicked cool. Everybody else has probably been doing this for eons, but whatevs. Won't be the first time I'm late jumping on a technological bandwagon.

Speaking of such, my sister also got me hooked on Pinterest.

I hate her.

I went on there looking for cute boots and ended up feeling completely and wholly inadequate in all areas of fashion and creativity and mothering, etc. I mean seriously, somebody had made a wreath out of lemon slices and it was even kind of cute. Lemons?! Who knew? I guess you know what they say, "when life gives you lemons and you don't have enough water to make lemonade, make a wreath....." or something like that.

Okay I think it's actually orange slices.

Doesn't matter.

The point is that I am clearly inadequate.

And my favorite pair of boots on there were $438. Not thinking that will go along with the budget plans.

Thanks, Sarah Ellen.

Hilarious

2011-10-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

Saw this on FB and it made me laugh. A lot.

Dude - that is so me ~~some~~ most days.

Fall Fun

2011-10-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned that I love me some fall weather?!!

S'more time:

My Isaac

2011-10-04T08:09:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer:
Sometimes I find myself feeling self-conscious about my blog. I'm worried that sometimes it talks about our struggles too much. Or not enough. Or that it is boring (to everyone except grandparents who love the pics). Or that people will take what I say the wrong way. But then I remind myself of the reason I started it in the first place. And it is for them - the three awesome people God has blessed me with. I hope they will one day read it and enjoy the glimpse of their lives growing up and how their crazy mama handled it all. So this one is for Isaac. And if it feels like I'm talking too much about struggles lately, it's because sometimes life has seasons of struggle. And that's real life. But rest assured that God is carrying us through the rough days and giving us MUCH joy in the midst of a tough season.

There have been some tough conversations in this house the past few weeks. We've read the books and talked to other parents and we knew that upon entering school Isaac may for the first time hear comments about our family that would confuse and upset him. (He says nobody has said anything to him at school or on the bus, but the timing seems a little too coincidental....) There have been struggles and hurts and insecurities rearing their ugly head. I wish I could erase his past and give him the one he so longs for, but I can't. And without his past he wouldn't be who he is today. And I love who he is today. I too wish he could have traveled a different road to our family, but sometimes the world doesn't work that way.

Regardless of how he came to be here, he is in our family and to see him question his sense of belonging breaks my heart.

I understand that this is part of the adoption world. We knew it before we ever stepped foot on a plane headed half a world away. It could never change our minds about building our family this way. But when these issues come up; when we have to spend a lot of our time reassuring and hugging and loving until he feels secure again, it still breaks my heart.

So for my Isaac who I hope will one day read this blog:

You are mine.

Wholly and completely mine.

You came from a different body, it's true,

but since the moment I held you in my arms,

I've loved you.

You did not grow in me like your siblings did,

but rest assured, that does not make you any less mine.

You are my first boy.

You carry my father's name in yours.

You are the one I turn to when I need a hug and a good laugh.

Without you, our family would not be complete.

Please know that, sweet boy.

If I could ingrain it in your soul I would.

You are first and foremost God's.

But you are also mine.

Just as much as your siblings are mine. No more. No less.

You.

Are.

Mine.

And I could not be more in love.

Volvo for Sale?

2011-10-01T19:44:00.000-07:00

Other than the fact that I don't own a volvo, I think I officially became a "soccer mom" today.

We started our morning bright and early at the fields for some soccer, self feeding, and coffee. (Okay technically the coffee was mine and Todd's.)

Isaac had a blast at his first practice and scrimmage.

He listened intently to the coaches and when the time came, he went for it.

He didn't care who was there or what was going to happen, he kept his eye on the ball and even got a few kicks in. They may or may not have been in the right direction, but really, how important is that in soccer?

After his game we came home for some lunch and then headed back out to the fields for the diva's turn. She was a little bit more hesitant about going after the ball unless nobody else was around.

This next pic may explain some of that hesitance. They assured us there was no mix-up with team assignments and I told them that she had zero experience........but is it just me or does number 11 look like he's at least eleven years old?

Yup. That's one of her teammates. Let's just say this game was a bit more intense than Isaac's and even though she was a bit timid, she followed the rest of the ~~football players~~ 5 & 6 year olds(?!) and tried to keep up. Way to go diva.

And I know this picture is blurry and I hate to brag, but look at the stride on this girl. Can we say cross country? ~~I mean, only if she wants to. I would never push my kids into running just because I love it. Of course not. That would just be wrong.......right?~~

And what was sweet Owen doing during all this time?

Playing soccer, exploring, and making friends, of course.

And thus began our sojourn into the world of competitive sports.

Anybody see a volvo for sale?

On Marriage and Money

2011-09-28T19:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life is just full of surprises.

And apparently it takes fifteen years of being a couple and eleven plus years of marriage before you can discuss money issues without it turning into a fight.

Good to know.

Here's a little clip from Dave Ramsey about money issues and marriage:

"On top of the fact that men and women are different, opposites attract. Chances are, if you're married, one of you is good at working numbers (the nerd) and the other one isn't good at working numbers (the free spirit). That isn't the real problem. The problem is when the nerd neglects the input of the free spirit or when the free spirit avoids participating in the financial dealings altogether."

I won't reveal which one of us is the "nerd" and which one is the "free spirit" and I would never be stupid enough to say that we've figured everything out and we'll never fight about money again, but I will say that we're working on a budget and saving tips to ~~fund Owen~~ support our family and it feels good to do it as a team.

Now we just need to find something else to fight about because sometimes life is just a little more exciting when you have a good old fashioned knock- down, drag-out spousal fight.

Maybe I'll go tell him I ran into the mailbox again with my car. :)

Rainy Day Laziness

2011-09-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

Well, because of excessive rain and mud, instead of burning calories out on the soccer field today, my children are doing this:

And after the week we've had, I'm okay with some rainy day laziness.

I'm okay with Saturday morning cartoons and cups of coffee and staying in our pajamas until after lunch.

The two bigs had another great week at school. Todd and I were just talking last night about how pleasantly surprised we've been at Isaac's transition. After he told us ALL SUMMER LONG that he did not want to start kindergarten, we were a little anxious about his entry into the "real" world. (Okay I was anxious......Todd kept reassuring me that he was ready and he would be fine, but that's neither here nor there.) And even though I may hate to admit it, Todd was right. Isaac is loving it. And not only is he loving it, he's also being very responsible about it. He worries about getting all his homework done correctly and making sure he has everything he needs each day. And yes, this shocks me to my very core because he is by far our most laid back kid.We're loving his excitement about school and praying it sticks.

The diva is still, well, the diva. She's always been very serious about her school work and following directions and that has not changed with her transition from kindergarten to first grade. She is so worried about following the rules in fact that we've had to assure her that her teachers don't want her neglecting her bodily needs because she's....let's say..... in the middle of playing freeze tag and her PE teacher told her to freeze. (I'm sure she'll love that I shared this with you....) She has also made some new friends and seems more socially outgoing this year which is great.

And Owen? Well this picture pretty much sums up the week Owen's had:

Poor kid.

He's had LOTS of appointments and evaluations and on top of all that, he got croup. So I guess you could say it's been a croupy week for him. Ha ha. Get it? Croupy.....

Okay, um, anyways.

Let's just say some of his special needs have been further identified and we start Occupational Therapy on Wednesday and Developmental Therapy on Thursday. Please continue to pray for my sweet toddler as he adjusts to new therapists and challenges. In other news, he has clawed his way into the fifth percentile on the weight chart!! Woot woot. We're praying this slow and steady upward climb continues as we start trying to reach new goals of more chewables and of course, the ultimate goal of self feeding. We've also been given permission to train someone else to feed him in case there was ever an emergency and Todd and I couldn't be there.....or if we wanted to go on a date or something. So who wants to learn? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? All it takes is patience and one or two trips out to UNC Hospital...... :)

And that was our week. Exciting, I know.

Hope everyone else is having a fabulous rainy Saturday.

Baby Addiction

2011-09-20T06:42:00.000-07:00

Owen and I got our baby fix yesterday. I'm not sure he needed a baby fix, but I did. ~~Babies to me are kind of like crack but in a much healthier, not nearly as deadly, kind of addictive way.~~ I love the way they smell and cuddle and are just all around adorable. But I've discovered that they always seem to grow up and color on walls and talk back and pee all over the place and therefore, we've decided we don't need any more babies in this house. But I like to get my baby fix wherever and however possible. Just last week I stalked a woman in the grocery store with a newborn. I followed her down the aisle just so I could hopefully get a whiff of that newborn smell. Just kidding. Sort of.

Anywho, we enjoyed hanging out with baby Jaden and some of us even enjoyed kissing and then stealing things from him. Apparently in Owen's mind, stealing is okay if you intersperse it with sweetness and kissing. Maybe bank robbers should implement this technique?

We searched and searched to find the baby toy caterpillar that was age appropriate. Apparently my almost three year old also found it age appropriate.

"Owen, you should give that back to the baby. Look, Mommy brought down these blocks for you to play with. Can you build a tower?"

There. See? That's better, right?

Apparently not.

Sorry Jaden.

Although it's not really my fault. I'm actually quite shocked your parents let me babysit after this incident. They must have been desperate.

J/K. I'm usually really nice to babies while I'm getting my fix. Promise.

See? His mom totally trusts me. I think.

After Jaden left and we did the mundane Monday grocery shopping and cleaning and cooking, etc, the kids came home and tackled homework.

Is it just me or are they too cute?

And that was our Monday.
Pretty exciting, huh.

60 degrees

2011-09-16T11:13:00.000-07:00

Yup.

It's time for a more "fallish" blog background.

It's time for fire pits and s'mores and dry leaves and hot cocoa curled up under a blanket and all the deliciousness that fall brings.

I love me some fall.

If I could bottle it up and savor it all year long, I would.

Enkutatash

2011-09-14T12:16:00.000-07:00

We celebrated the Ethiopian New Year (on Saturday) a day early this year.

It felt right to do it that way since Todd had to work all day Sunday and since this year was the 10th anniversary of 9/11.

It was a small, last minute celebration.

We missed seeing our other Ethiopian friends.

We went to Abyssinia with some new friends for a traditional meal to ring in the new year. It was delicious. We enjoyed getting to know a new family; a family who is waiting for their son or daughter (or both) to come home soon.

I remember the hard days of waiting and questioning and longing.

And it is so amazing to be on the other side of that wait and tell people about the blessings.

The blessings of a son who brings laughter to our lives daily.

A son who has such a heart for others.

A son who gives out more hugs in one day than I can count.

A son who talks non-stop. Literally. Non. Stop.

A son who brings a new and amazing culture into our lives.

A son who has changed the landscape of our family for the better.

Happy Belated Enkutatash.

Hey, hey, it's time to puree!

2011-09-09T19:42:00.000-07:00

I love this kid.

Really, I do. So so much it makes my heart hurt. He makes our lives so much richer.

But he is not easy. And feeding him is a pain in the you know what and it takes hours upon hours of extra time in the kitchen.

Hours at Whole Foods reading every label; hours at home cooking, followed by pureeing, followed by labeling, followed by freezing or refrigerating, followed by measuring each ounce at each meal, followed by distracting, followed by spoon feeding every bite, followed by cleaning up vomit when a certain texture disagrees with his esophagus, followed by excessive cheering when each meal ends.

Did I mention that it takes hours? And I know I'm supposed to say that I wouldn't trade one minute of it because he's doing so well right now. But I'm not gonna lie, I would trade it. I really really wish he could do well without all that work on my part. Selfish, right? He probably wishes I would quit griping and I'm pretty sure he wishes that he could eat without hurting, so you know, I totally realize I'm the lesser and more insensitive person here. (Just making sure you know that I know that I'm being a you know what.)

Anyway, the "point" of my long and griping rant?

The other night after finally getting the kids tucked into bed I was in the kitchen for three more hours working on Owen's menu.

The result?

(And yes, I'm totally bragging. So now you can add pride to the before mentioned insensitive selfishness.....plus a whole long laundry list of my many other flaws.)

*chicken pureed with almond milk and rice

*ground turkey browned, mashed, and pureed with almond milk (lack of texture is very tricky with this one.)

*almond bread, sunbutter, and banana sandwich puree

*Cooked carrots with special butter, cinnamon, and applesauce puree

*cereal bars pureed with milk and banana

*broccoli and cauliflower pureed with applesauce

*pumpkin pureed with applesauce

*butternut squash puree (which we now think he's allergic to)

*frozen fruit smoothie pureed with almond milk

(These plus some more that he's eaten the past few days.)

And when I was finished, I was bone tired.

And I wanted a frickin' gold star for all my hard work.

I didn't get a gold star, but my friend (who I may or may not have complained to through text messaging during the process that has to be repeated about every 10 days.....) brought me this apron today that she made for me.

And it totally made me laugh.

And one day when Owen's a 250 pound quarter back, I hope I'll still look at this apron and laugh.

And I hope that I can get a better perspective about this whole extra work in the kitchen thing because we still have a long way to go before Owen is where he needs to be. And he's totally 100% worth it. And let's be honest, one day when I'm old and have lost all my teeth, I'll need him to puree my food.

Maybe Erika can get another apron in blue when that day comes.

First Day!

2011-09-06T14:24:00.000-07:00

Owen started preschool today.

He was so excited to be doing something the bigs get to do everyday. Although he was a little bummed that his school bus is my mini-van. (I was a little bummed about that too since I swore before having kids that I would never drive a mini-van, but that's neither here nor there.)

(Todd tried removing the Darth Vader pen/toy that has been in his hands for two days before we left.....It is still in his hand. Let's just say we pick our battles around here.)

"Let's go, Mom."

He had a great first day.
The teachers fell in love and I think he was equally smitten.

(On a side note, this backpack was a hand-me-down, name stitched on and all. Aren't we lucky?!)

Labor Day

2011-09-05T07:54:00.000-07:00

Isn't this how everyone spends their Labor Day?

No?

Oh well.

We've learned a little pretend sword fighting never hurt anyone.

(Except maybe Owen.....)

Eery

2011-09-01T10:27:00.000-07:00

Owen's running a low grade fever and vegging out/napping.

Isaac entered school full time today with his big sis and without so much as a backward glance.

Sigh.

And I noticed something -

it is disturbingly quiet.

And now the challenge is this:

Can I get everything done that I need to get done before these two crazies get off the bus?

It's not looking promising.

(Although not blogging would probably help.)

Peace out.

Hasta La Vista, Eosinophils.

2011-08-30T19:03:00.000-07:00

The biopsies came back clear.

Hallelujah.

There were a few nasty white cells in the small intestine, but the colon, stomach, and esophagus looked great. The doctor said they even wrote a big zero beside the esophagus results. Zero. We've never seen that number (or lack thereof) in the esophagus. And the ones in the small intestine? There weren't enough of them that we're going to worry about it right now. So my boy gets a break from the steroid.

And we're going to embrace a happy and pain free Owen for as long as it lasts before those little boogers start invading again.

I feel like we're being spoiled rotten right now.

I don't know why so many of our prayers have been answered in the last month, but I am so thankful.

I'm thankful for the huge strides Owen has made.

I'm thankful that he is finally growing and thriving.

And I'm most thankful for a God who never lets go.

Here's a pic of my lil' man enjoying his favorite snack on the evening of the biopsies.

(He may have been invaded in all orifices that morning, but he did get the day off from structured feeding......it's the little things, right?)

See ya later, eosinophils.

Feel free to take a LONG vacation before your next invasion.

Dude. Seriously?!

2011-08-25T06:32:00.000-07:00

I swear just yesterday these two were still babies.

And now they're both in elementary school.

That's just pure craziness.

PS - Owen's bored.

Home and Doing Great.

2011-08-22T18:15:00.000-07:00

Sparth Vader did very well.

Everything looked great physically - there was no permanent damage yet and the esophagus had not tightened up at all. Big Yay!

Now we wait a week for biopsy results and follow up appointments.

He had a rough time coming off the anasthesia and was in a good bit of pain for awhile, but he totally perked up this afternoon and was very playful tonight even without pain meds.

Yup - he's definitely a trooper.

They're Going In.....

2011-08-21T18:01:00.000-07:00

Literally.

We'll be at the hospital before the sun rises tomorrow for my lil' man to get a procedure that includes but is not limited to one that is usually reserved for people over 50. He hasn't eaten since lunch today and has been such a trooper through the "prep" work. (Let's just say that cleaning out the colon can be invasive.....and gross.....)

Please pray that his esophagus still looks normal without any permanent damage.

Please pray for the biopsies from the esophagus, stomach lining, and colon to come back clear.

Please pray for us as it will most likely be a long day.

Please pray for my little fighter to go in with his normal scrappy fighting attitude.

I don't know much, but I do know that if anybody can handle a day like tomorrow - it's a combination of Spider Man and Darth Vader.

Or as I like to call him - "Sparth Vader."

Thank you, friends.

The Loot

2011-08-20T19:44:00.000-07:00

Me: "Isaac, do you care if I cry the whole time we shop for your school supplies because I'm sad that you're growing up so fast?"

Isaac: "Nope. Do you care if I cry the whole time because I don't want to go to school?"

Back to school shopping is done.

I took them out separately to have special time with each one of them. Isaac and I were gone for a grand total of about 45 minutes because the boy is not a shopper. After supply shopping, I asked if he wanted to look for new clothes and he said no because Nana already got him some. End of story.

Emma Grace took two and half hours. The lunchbox decision alone was at least half of that. We had fun though.

Here they are after dinner showing off their loot to one another.

Luckily Todd had the wherewithal to grab Isaac's old lunch box and give it to Owen so he didn't feel left out.

T-5 days.

Kindergarten and First Grade, here they come.

Watch out.

Awesome Owen Update

2011-08-18T16:28:00.000-07:00

Wow.

We've had some great appointments this week.

Yesterday at UNC Owen gained almost a pound and also grew several centimeters. He was still below the third percentile but everyone was thrilled that he FINALLY grew in length and width.

Today was our evaluation with the state. This was his third evaluation by either social workers or a developmental specialist. At the first one in NJ, he was at the same level as an 18-20 month old developmentally. That was nine weeks ago. The second evaluation was four weeks ago. At that point, he scored on the same level as a 22-24 month old. Today? Today he was between 25-27 months......which is within the average range on the test. So in nine weeks he's gone from being a year behind to only being 3-5 months behind. What has made the difference in such a short amount of time? The specialists think it was a combination of taking him off a certain drug that made him very sleepy and proper nutrition. Hhhhhhhmmmmmmm - I agree, but I also think it was the answer to MANY prayers that have been lifted for my sweet boy. Thank you, friends!

He still has some sensory and other issues, but none of them were severe enough to qualify for services from the state. This is both a blessing and a curse. While we're thrilled that he falls within the average range, they think he could definitely benefit from services. They just won't pay for them. :( His preschool should help with the developmental therapy and we're looking into finding a good place to do occupational. The OT will work with him on continuing to build up his abdomen and muscle tone and also help with his sensory issues.

So basically this is a great week. We're seeing progress both physically and developmentally and we could not be more excited. Next week we have more biopsies and we'll see where he is internally. If biopsies come back clear, there will be mucho celebration going on.

God

good!

A serious case of PVD

2011-08-16T17:49:00.000-07:00

Post Vacation Depression is a serious illness that should not be taken lightly. And I think all five of us are suffering from it right now. Not sure what the cure is yet, but I'm looking into it.

And if any of you have been reading this blog since last August then you will remember how perturbed I was when we got back from the beach and I could only post four pictures on the blog at a time. It was like Sophie's Choice (on a much much much smaller and not nearly as traumatic level) trying to decide which pictures to post out of the hundreds I took. But this year.....well this year baby, I got this picture posting thing figured out.

So if you only read this blog for the wealth of knowledgeable and truly outstanding content, you may want to skip this post. Because there is about to be a plethora of pictures that I am probably the only one truly enamored by.

Without further ado: The Fischer Family Beach Vacay of 2011. Woot woot.

Two crazy cousins:

The crazy cousin on the left's crazy mama.

(Who, by the way, makes me laugh like a hyena and also makes a mean strawberry daquiri. Together, it is a lethal combination.)

Two of my boys chillaxin' on the beach.

Best dinner ever (once they were dead)? I think yes.

Todd and his brother ~~and I~~ ate pretty much the entire bushel by ourselves. It was embarrassing ~~but also kind of fun.~~

Four kids having a quiet moment of prayer before getting on the boat?

I'm thinking not. But it looks like it, so who's to say?

Future modeling career?

Only time will tell.

Did the kids have fun on the tube?
As my dad likes to say, "does a bear 'crap' (I'm using the nicer version on the public blog) in the woods?"

Yup - fo sho. They had fun.

They also had fun building sand castles with their grandad, and boating, and stealing kisses while some people tried to snooze, going to the "beauty parlor", painting their grandmother's nails, eating a lot of yummy food, swimming, diving off the sea wall, etc, etc, etc.

And here's one not so great picture with me in it.
Just to prove I was there.

Many thanks to Todd's parents and cousins and siblings for an awesome vacation that we're still talking about. We're back. We're unpacked. We're not liking this whole settling back into the real world thing.

Nostalgia....

2011-08-10T07:18:00.000-07:00

Not enough time has passed that I've forgotten what life was like when they were this little.

You know, having three kids, age four and under?

I haven't forgotten how hard those days were and how it felt like a never ending cycle of poops and bottles and hours of endless crying (both theirs and mine).

Yet some days, when I'm thinking about all three of them being in some sort of school this year, I still miss it.

I know.

I'm certifiable.

Darth? Is that you?

2011-08-05T07:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's annoying to share a room with your brother.

For example, when you want to dress up as Darth Vader but all your black accessories are in your bedroom and your mother won't let you go in there because Owen's napping?

Well this scenario can lead to drastic measures and compromise.

Isaac: "Emma Grace, I don't think Darth Vader ever wore a girls shirt that said 'love' in glitter."

Me: hysterical laughter.

Emma Grace: "Well, just turn the shirt around so the love is on the back."

Problem solved.

Now.....about those shoes.......

A Non-Anniversary of Sorts...

2011-08-02T07:35:00.000-07:00

This week was originally supposed to be our first week at St. Joseph's. I couldn't stop thinking about that last night on my run. I was so glad that instead of being up there experiencing day one, I was at home with all three of my kiddos. Don't get me wrong - I am so glad we went. I am so thankful that a place like that exists, but I'm also glad to have it behind us. I'm thankful that Owen is rocking out these meals. I'm thankful that we're evaluating and watching and learning how to best meet his needs. I'm thankful that we found an inclusive preschool for the fall that we're excited about; one that will push him with things like transitions and temper and sensory and overall development.

And last night a friend asked if our lives were getting back to normal? And I said yes, but that we still had a lot of appointments and evaluations and biopsies coming up. And then I realized that, duh, this is our normal. Because after evaluations and appointments come therapies, and schools, and IEP's, and meetings with caseworkers, etc.

This normal is not what I was expecting coming into this year. I mean, I know I should be used to it at this point, but it is still very different from what I thought returning from St. Joseph's would be like.

Do I accept it yet? Have I moved from storming to norming?

Not completely, but I think I'm getting closer. I think it takes baby steps and occasionally backward steps followed by a forward leap. I think it's more like a crazy random dance with weird moves and stumbles rather than a steady forward climb. And we all know this white girl can't dance.

But acceptance is coming in doses. I am getting used to lugging food therapy stuff everywhere we go so we can do meals on the road. And yes, we get some weird looks and have even gotten one or two weird comments, but whatevs.

We're rocking it out. We have our arsenal of distraction toys. We have figured out a way to attach the chair to pretty much anything we can find. We even have our own personal cheer for the end of each meal and we're not scared to be loud about it.

Here's Owen rocking out a meal at the pool:

And here's proof that he does in fact eat:

And if you're reading this and happen to be a feeding therapist, I promise I only took the chin support away long enough to take this picture. Then I immediately put the camera away and supported his chin so he could chew correctly. Promise.

So if you ever see us out and about doing some feeding therapy, feel free to come help distract or join in on the cheer. Seriously - it's a gas.

The Mountains Win Again

2011-07-31T19:01:00.000-07:00

We just got home from a short vacation and as always when life is stressful, nothing beats a few days secluded with no cell phones or wi-fi, no doctors or appointments, no fighting or arguing. Okay - who am I kidding? The mountains are great but they don't get rid of sibling rivalry. I wish.

Regardless of some sibling squabbling, being surrounded by scenery like this is just downright calming to the soul.

My parents took the kids to the mountains a few weeks ago and took them bowling. They loved it, so that was our first order of business. The boys killed the girls, but it was still a big hit.

Up next on the agenda? Playing superheroes. Apparently they were Pajama Girl, Cereal Boy, and I'm not sure what to call the two year old with a gun? Scary?

Last but not least? Some creek side adventuring followed by s'mores, also known as an awesome afternoon.

And in case you're wondering, after much discussion, we decided strawberry flavored marshmallows are the bomb. Seriously. Try it sometime.

Friday Night Sibling Sleepover

2011-07-24T17:44:00.000-07:00

The kids begged for sleepovers in the boys room on Friday nights.

Who am I to say no when they're so dang cute?

Can I get A Woot Woot?

2011-07-19T16:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we can get so bogged down in certain parts of life, that we forget to see the blessings and answered prayers in other parts. I guess it's not fair to say "we." Maybe I'm the only one who struggles with this? Maybe everybody else is great at seeing each blessing in each moment of each day of each year.

I, however, have been bogged down lately with this new "label." I've been bogged down with trying to wrap my brain around all the details and trying to get our ducks in a row for what's next.

And tonight?

Tonight I was like hold up a sec homesplice.......because I do believe that we just had a day where Owen did not fight me or throw up during any of his meals. Seriously? Did that just happen? Did I push him with things like broccoli, chicken, beef, carrots, sunflower butter and chewy crackers and he ingested it without another care in the world.

Today Owen was like "what's the big deal, Mom? This broccoli that I usually take one look at, clamp my jaws shut, and know that only one of us is going to make it out alive? Well today, I totally got this."

And dudes, if that isn't an answered prayer, then I don't know what is.

And remember when I asked you to pray for no more allergic reactions like this?

Well, the last really bad reaction he had was during our first week in New Jersey. As a matter of fact, it has been one month since that reaction. Oh hellz to the yeah.

And remember when I asked for prayers to come off his meds?

Well, he's still on the majority of them, but he's off the one that made him really sleepy. And he's doing well being off of it. Seriously? Can I get a woot woot? And we have another endoscopy soon to see if we can come off the steroid for a spell.

So even though my ducks are most definitely not in a row yet with this new label and new information; even though the ducks are running all over the place quacking their rear ends off and not even close to walking in a straight line, I know God's got this because He's gotten us this far. He's done amazing things and I know He's not even close to being done with my little man.

And He's using awesome people like this to bring Owen farther than he's been in a long long time.

This is Sara (his feeding and broccoli introducing therapist from St. Joseph's).

And she was not about to take "no" from O-Dawg. She pushed him and made him work hard. And it was hard to watch, but she is the reason we are now having days like today.

And this is Jessica. She pushed him even harder trying to strengthen his abdomen. She was not even a little bit scared to mess with his shoes or listen to him scream if it meant he would progress.

She's the reason he can now jump on both feet without falling. No small feat in my eyes.

We miss them.

We were most definitely blessed by them.

If I was some great political person who could declare today in their honor, I would do it. I would name it some National Owen Ate Beef and Broccoli Without Puking Day. Or something along those lines.... and I would give all the glory to the big guy in the sky, and prayer warriors like you, and people like Sara and Jessica who make a difference every day in the lives of kids.

So Happy Owen Ate Beef and Broccoli Without Puking Day everybody!

Why Do I Love Them?

2011-07-18T18:46:00.000-07:00

Because the other day I came downstairs to find them doing this without being asked.

Because things in life have been pretty crazy lately, but I've been seeing more of this smile than I used to.

Because she leaves sweet notes like this and also left a dollar for the tooth fairy because she was worried the tooth fairy never gets any money to buy food and stuff. (The tooth fairy was tempted, but she didn't take the dollar when she added another one to the pile.)

Because he tells his grandpa that he wipes his own butt at home, but apparently he thinks he shouldn't have to do it on vacation. Of all the things to want a vacation from....... And yes, his grandfather was smarter than to give in to his shenanigans.

Because sometimes trying on all your brother's shoes just gets exhausting.

And because pajama parties with some of your besties just make life more fun.

Yup - life is good.

It will be even better after Friday when Todd gets home and our family is finally in the same state at the same time.

Huh? What?

2011-07-15T19:12:00.000-07:00

Been storming and researching various schools, specialists, services the state will provide, etc for the majority of the day and here's the conclusion I've come to: in order to figure out the ins and outs of special needs, one needs to be a genius.

Of which I most definitely am not.

Anybody else see the irony?

After one of many 30 minute phone conversations today, I did learn that I will be assigned a "service coordinator" in the next few weeks and this person will help me with all the resources, decision making and even something called transition meetings. I don't even know what a transition meeting is yet, but apparently I want my service coordinator with me when we have one. Apparently, he or she will become my new best friend. Hope they like margaritas, because I'm going to need one after trying to figure all this out on my own in the meantime.

And in honor of all the other acronyms and new terms I'm trying to learn, I've decided to come up with my very own acronym.

IDKWTHIDSPHMBILWFMIHLIMTTB

In case you're wondering, it stands for

I Don't Know What The Heck I'm Doing Somebody Please Help Me Before I Lose What Few Marbles I Have Left In My Teeny Tiny Brain.

Pooling Around

2011-07-13T19:17:00.000-07:00

It is definitely summer time around here.

With temps in the 3 digits, the kids are spending their mornings doing some of this:

while I rush around ~~like a chicken with her head cut off~~ like the calm, cool, and collected parent that I am, packing stuff up so we can go do this:

(That last pic is supposedly my mean face. I was trying to get Erika to stop taking pictures. Apparently it didn't work.)

We've enjoyed our five days of doctor-free living.

Back to the grind tomorrow and Friday for Mr. Man.

Bye Bye Jersey, Hello UNC.

A Hairy Situation

2011-07-12T17:28:00.000-07:00

We may look different, but when it comes to hair, Isaac is just like me....the girl who will grow her hair out for years and then decide in one hour that she wants to chop and donate it....which usually results in tears and regret and promises to never be so drastic again.

My boy will work and work to grow his hair out, even when we're begging him to let us trim it. And then all of a sudden, on a whim, he decides he wants it short. And it has to be done right then. And if Daddy took his clippers with him on his mission trip, then we borrow clippers from Mr. Donnie and we cut.

Here he is picking out the afro he has been proudly sporting the last several months:

Wow.

Those are some gorgeous curls, but a little bit too long for my taste. Especially in the heat of summer and especially when he cries the majority of the time we need to pick them out.

We tried the 1/2" guard first.

I loved it.

But the boy who has begged and pleaded us to let him grow his hair out?

Nope. Had to be the 1/4". If he's cutting it, we're going all the way.

The end result?

Still pretty dang cute in my opinion.

Love this kid.

Love these curls.

I'll miss them, but I know they'll be back soon.

Until the next whim....

Seeking Random Stranger

2011-07-11T11:59:00.000-07:00

We're figuring out that one of the more difficult aspects of parenting Owen is discipline. It was explained to me that his brain learns things a little differently than the "typical" child, so a lot of times the normal disciplinary actions aren't going to work on Owen.

(Of course, they don't work on my other two half the time either......just sayin')

Anyway, one of our biggest thorns is shoes.

He likes his shoes to be a certain way. He does not like the velcro to overlap or veer off the intended path. Easy fix, right? Just line it up perfectly and move on.

I wish.

Specialist said to intentionally mess up his shoes and make him cry it out. Hopefully over time, the behavior will change.

So as we're leaving the hospital one day, his OT reached down and messed with his shoes (thanks, Jessica.....) and he, of course, launched himself into an all out fit. I'm talking knock down, drag out. This was the kind of fit that had the other parents looking away and thanking their lucky stars it wasn't them while the toddlers in the room took notes and admired his tenacity.

And if you've been wondering if it hurts to get hit in the mouth by Horsie?

I can assure you, it does.

As I dragged my mini Mike Tyson out of the hospital kicking and screaming, we walked by an older man sitting on a bench. He definitely seemed interested in what was going on. He was giving me the Look. You know the one? The look the older generation has that basically says "that kid needs a serious a___-whoopin'!"

Usually the the older generation is right. Just sayin'.

I ignored our audience and just kept dragging Owen along and telling him his shoes were fine while he screamed bloody murder and hit me repeatedly.

Got all the way to the car.

Forgot to get the parking voucher.

Double Crap.

Dragged him back in still screaming and hitting me.

Random Stranger still staring audaciously.

Fourth trip by Random Stranger and Owen threw himself on the hot concrete.

Yup, still kicking and screaming.

I just stood beside him and waited.

Random Stranger stops me.

"Miss?"

Me in my head: Oh geez. I know you think he needs his butt whipped but there's more going on here than what you're witnessing.

Me for real: "What?!"

Random Stranger: "I just wanted to say I think you're doing a great job. A lot of parents would have given in by now. You're teaching him."

Me, embarrassed with my jaw on the floor: "Uummmm. Thank you."

He had no idea how much I needed to hear those words right then.

Or maybe he did.

Maybe he was an angel in disguise.

Maybe he was just a grandpa who gets it.

Maybe his shoes annoy the bejeezus out of him and he could just sympathize with the battle.

I don't know why he was there at that precise moment to encourage me,
but I sure as heck needed it.

And now I'm trying to track him down to come live with us and continue being my personal cheerleader. So if anybody from New Jersey is reading this, I'm looking for a tallish, thin, 70-80ish year old African American man with gray hair. He was last seen outside the St. Joseph's Feeding and Swallowing Clinic in Paterson. I will pay his fare to get here and I have his pom-poms ready.

If you see him, please call asap.
Thanks.

Photography Tips

2011-07-09T08:08:00.000-07:00

Now I know that I'm not a professional by any means,

but I do love taking pictures so I thought I would share a few tips with you.

When you're driving your car very slowly (look in bottom right corner of tom tom) and stuck in traffic and rain like this,

do not be afraid to use the time to play with your camera and try to get some great shots.

(Of course, Mom, I definitely kept my eyes on the road at all times.)

You just turn your camera on, angle your arm in a very awkward position and shoot away.

The result can be quite adorable.

Like this:

But more often than not, they turn out like this:

I won't charge you for this lesson.

You're welcome.

PS - We're Home!!!!!

Homeward Bound Tomorrow Afternoon.

2011-07-07T16:34:00.000-07:00

Where we love is home - home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

Guest Blogger

2011-07-05T22:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, this isn't really a guest blog. That would imply I asked Rachel if I could log in as her and post to our family blog. This is more of a hijacking because hey, why should she have all the fun, right? Before you judge me for logging into someone else's account, let me say that I hijacked the blog tonight to brag on my lovely wife and three great kids.

EG, Isaac and I just got back home from New Jersey tonight after our 11 day journey to the north. I'm not going to lie, it is really rough to watch your kid have to be completely retaught how to eat. Eating is something I do a lot of and just take for granted. Think about telling someone, "This is how you open your mouth. This is where your tongue goes. This is how you chew. Its okay to have a little food on your fingers and face. Its okay if your shoe straps aren't perfectly aligned while you practice the seemingly simple procedures of eating." It boggles the mind to think that every bite of every feeding for at least the next six months has to be calculated and controlled until Owen's muscles and brain are reformatted to eat normally. But then you sit across the table at breakfast this morning and watch this litte mouth doing everything it is supposed to do all on its own. Owen has always loved corn chex because he doesn't have to chew them, they dissolve in his mouth. Three weeks ago, that's how he would eat them. I was so proud of him this morning because he was chewing his food like a pro. That may not seem like a lot but it was pretty awesome in my book. Owen, I just want to thank you for fighting so hard this month to work with the doctors, for being patient with me while I learned how to feed you the right way and for all the hugs, kisses, nuggles, and laughs you shared with me in New Jersey. I miss you more than you can imagine!

I think what was even harder than realizing the depth of Owen's needs was knowing that your wife had been carrying the full weight of them for the last two plus years virtually single handedly. Whether its right or wrong, with three kids it has kind of been a divide and conquer setup and Rachel has been carrying the lion's share of Owen's heavy load. I know I am partial but I don't know another person more dedicated to their family than my wife. Rachel, I know you would take a bullet for any one of us without even hesitating. Thank you for sacrificing so much of your life for us and helping me better understand the definition of 'love' found in 1 John 3:16-18. You are the perfect wife and mother for our family. As a husband, Ephesians 5:25 is a challenging verse but you make it joyful for me. Thanks for sticking with us through this crazy ride and for all the laughter along the way. I guess what I want to say is, thanks for all the crazy moments like this:

and this...

Apparently we need to do more than just hang out in Target and mess with carts and glasses...

Anyways, Emma Grace and Isaac have been quite the troopers over the last month or so too. It can't be easy having your mom and brother leave for 5 weeks, then get shipped all over the place so dad can still get in time to work, drive 10 hours in the car in one day twice, be away from home more than you are there and share a bed every night, but they did it. Emma Grace and Isaac, you two keep growing tighter every day and I am more proud than you can imagine to call both of you my kids. Thanks for putting up with the shortage of food, generally messy house and less than organized schedule since your mom has been gone. Here are some highlights from our journey.

Seeing the Statue of Liberty

(Sorry for the bad pic, its the best I had)

In front of "Eloise's House"

(Note the flag EG is pointing to. Not sure what Isaac is doing?)

Posing in front of a life sized Bumble Bee statue in Time Square

Riding a train to Weehawken NJ to watch the fireworks with Chips

Playing veterinarian at Marbles before Mom leaves

Getting home and realizing that your fish can survive 3 weeks without food

(Don't judge me. Rachel always feeds them. I forgot we had fish to feed.)

and my favorite, figuring out how to have fun with a few random bags from Subway

Life has its ups and downs but how can you complain when you are blessed with a family like this. I love you Rachel, EG, I & O!

[POSTED BY TODD...]

This, That, and the Other....

2011-07-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

Todd and the kids took off this morning.

Luckily his parents were still here tonight to cushion the blow

when Owen got back from the hospital and his brother and sister were gone.

We had some rough feedings today,

but you know, what kid does like broccoli?

Watching The Office right now.

This show makes me laugh.

I'm scared to come home and step on a scale.

Seriously.

Apparently I am not at the age anymore where I can stop exercising, eat huge and fattening meals three times a day, and not gain any weight.

I miss being that age.

We hit Lake Packanack again on Saturday.

I ~~played and played and played with the kids~~ sat on the side and watched Todd win the Father of the Year Award.

I did take pictures though.

That counts for something, right?

Three days to go.
Woot Woot.

Going Home

2011-07-02T09:07:00.000-07:00

Owen will be discharged next Friday after four weeks here.

We're excited about going home and scared about doing all this on our own.

It's bittersweet. While it has been hard being here and away from everybody, being surrounded by specialists who are watching him closely and answering questions the second you have them has been quite nice. (It's kind of like being nervous leaving the hospital with your newborn....)

I offered to set up a clinic in our house for them, but apparently they don't think insurance will cover that.

It's also like having a newborn again because he has to eat every 3 hours and Todd and I are the only ones who are trained to feed him. Yowza. There goes our dating life..... Not that we had much of one anyways.

While Todd was at the hospital the past few days getting trained in the art of feeding Owen, the bigs and I had a blast swimming. We even borrowed passes to a lake and my skin was like "vitamin D? What the heck?"

They made some new friends and once we're done with laundry and laziness today, we may head back over there. The hotel will clean your bathrooms and kitchen and make your bed, but apparently they draw the line at washing your dirty undies. I don't get it....

After Owen's dinner, we went out to eat and to watch the fireworks last night.

(No, his feet are not one of his new foods. He just likes to smell them. Don't we all?)

Happy Holiday Weekend!

To publish or not to publish

2011-06-30T13:10:00.000-07:00

That is the question.

I've been sitting on this post for awhile now, mulling it over in my brain and trying to figure out exactly what I want to say. I've been ashamed that I don't want to publish it and then ashamed that I'm ashamed. There is absolutely no shame in what I'm about to say; yet I'm afraid. I'm afraid to take this leap into a new realm of parenting. In fact, it doesn't feel like leaping. It feels like the rug has been pulled out from under me and instead of leaping, I'm free falling and don't know where my feet will land.

If you know anything about the medical field, you may have already deduced from previous posts, that we are entering the world of special needs. We've been traveling the world of special health needs for two years and that was and is a hard enough journey. And we came up here thinking we were reaching the end of the road. We came up here thinking this is going to be hard as crap, but when we get home, all the doctor appointments will slow down. Well.....not exactly. Fears that were slowly starting to creep into our brains were confirmed last Wednesday. A day that I never hope to relive. I was called back into an unexpected meeting with social workers and a family counselor. After watching Owen and working with him, they think his developmental delays are not just a result of his health issues. They threw a lot of information at me, and I sat there by myself and kept waiting for the punch line. Then I kept waiting to wake up. Then I realized that this was neither a joke nor a dream and I kept waiting for the tears to stop. They didn't stop until around 4:30 that afternoon and then I think they only stopped because there were none left and my eyes were pretty much swollen shut. It was really pretty. They even kicked me out of the hospital to go for a run while Owen napped and I was hunched over on the treadmill holding my stomach and crying while running. Yes - I got some strange looks but at least I burned a few calories.

They told me about the four stages we will go through.
1. Mourning: grieving the loss of the typical.
2. Storming: Researching and learning as much as possible.
3. Performing: Putting together the best team of docs and specialists for your little one.
4. Norming: Accepting that this is your new life and it will be okay.

And it will be okay.

I thought I was moving past grief.
Last night I sat in the aisle of Barnes and Noble and looked at books hoping for comfort and direction and hope. My hands slowly crept back over my stomach as I hunched over and nosedived from storming back to grief. I suppose that's to be expected. Because while the books did have some helpful information; they also had a lot of statistics and scary stories. And I had to pick myself up off the floor and pray to God to remind me that Owen is not a statistic. Owen is not a scary story. He is my son. More importantly, he is God's son and he is exactly who God created him to be. He is a sweetheart who just happens to be wired a little bit differently than the typical child.

We don't yet know the extent of his needs and we won't know until we get a full evaluation from a geneticist and a neural developmental specialist. (Do I still hope somewhere deep down that they'll say these delays are a result of his health needs and lack of proper nutrition? Heck yeah. But I'm also trying to face the reality that there is probably more to this.) We do know that he needs services and interventions more than he needs a label. We do know that we've been told by doctors here and in Raleigh to start researching special needs preschools. We do know that he needs to go five days a week next year. So while I was already sad about sending one boy away to kindergarten; now all three children will be in school next year and I'm not quite ready for that. We do know that we have a lot to learn and so the journey has begun. The research has begun. Trying to learn the many many acronyms that go along with this type of diagnosis has begun. (That in itself is a full time job. Is it really that hard just to say the words?) It's like learning a foreign language while visiting a foreign country. And one that you never really wanted to take a trip to in the first place.

So if there is still so much unknown, why am I writing about this?

For myself.
It's that simple.

I'm practicing saying the words over and over. Special Needs. Therapies. Early Intervention. Special Education. Developmental Delays. Cognitive Delays. Speech Delays. Feeding Delays. Low Tone. More specialists. Sensory Disorders. Pervasive Developmental Disorders, Geneticists, Etc, etc, etc.

What do I hope to gain by saying these things and telling people these things?

I hope to claw my way out of mourning and into storming.

I hope to sprint to the finish line of Norming. I'm ready to get there. I've never wanted to accept something more in my life. I want to move past the fears and the doubts and the unknowns of the future back into the world of trusting God that my little man is going to be okay - that our family is going to be okay. That this will give Emma Grace and Isaac an empathy for others that they may not have had otherwise. I'm ready to start learning the lessons we're meant to learn and to be able to say these words and acronyms without flinching. I'm ready to advocate for my son and provide him with the best possible future. The future that God already has planned for him.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

God knows His plans for my son.

And that is the biggest comfort of all.

On our Way to that Burger!

2011-06-28T19:47:00.000-07:00

He did not eat a hamburger today.

But he did eat two small bites of hamburger meat.

Can I get a woot-woot?!

My boy is making some serious progress.

He's completely off baby food.

It's all about pureed table foods and even some chewables.

After 2 and 1/2 years, Owen is off baby foods.

That's worth some celebrating.

God is so good.

And in other news?

The bigs and Todd are still here and still making us smile.

And we sent Owen out to wake them up this morning and this is what we found:

And this may be the reason it took the diva a little bit longer to wake up than the boys:

Comfy, Isaac?

Donnie and Cinda are here spoiling us rotten right now.

They treated us to dinner last night, and today, Todd and Donnie took Emma Grace, Isaac, and Abby into New York City while Cinda went above and beyond the call of duty and helped me pin Owen down during some allergy testing. (Which came back negative by the way. Yay.) Cinda and I got to go meet another friend for dinner tonight and the time away from everything to laugh with good friends was just what I needed.

So to sum up, life in New Jersey continues.

Tomorrow is our half way point.

And even though I'm sure there will be more rough days ahead,

I'm so thankful for the day that was today.

I'm so thankful for the hamburger meat eating, no more allergen testing, and 25 pound weight victories of today.

Best Surprise Ever!!

2011-06-26T07:31:00.000-07:00

Owen and I were just heading out for a run yesterday afternoon when we saw a car that looked really familiar.

Hello Family!

Friday Night Fun

2011-06-24T20:54:00.000-07:00

Some people hit the 25 pound mark today.

(It wasn't me....I hit and surpassed it a very long time ago.)

That person celebrated with his favorite activity before bed.

He also celebrated with a new pair of kicks from Payless.

Kicks with arches.

Apparently he needs them.

Apparently he really likes them, based on the battle at bedtime.

Apparently they go well with clothes and pajamas.

I have a feeling they are going to be on his feet the minute he wakes up.

Happy Weekending.

Choosing the Good

2011-06-23T17:54:00.000-07:00

Tonight we're choosing to look at the good.

And believe me; it is definitely a choice.

And it's proof that your prayers are working.

Because this road ain't easy, but I felt God's peace today.

I woke up and put on my "we totally got this" attitude and rocked it out all day.

I asked questions. I got answers and took them in stride.

I made phone calls. I filled out gobs of paperwork.

I talked to doctors here and in Raleigh.

I'm prepared for some rough appointments and tests tomorrow and Monday with immunology and genetics.

And you know what?

Owen rocked it out today too.

Seriously. He was such a superstar.

He wore his new shirt and took the saying (insert snack) to heart.

He's added a few new foods, he's starting to use his tongue a little bit better, and he only had one rough meal today.

Just one. Out of five.

He also only teared up a few times during physical therapy.

Yup - he definitely deserves the rock star title tonight.

And tomorrow is Friday.

And next week we get to see these people:

And their laughter and giggles and sojourn back into being a family of five for a week is just what we need.

And they'll be excited to see Owen doing some of this:

(smiling during a meal)

and some of this:

cleaning his mouth using his tongue and lips.

(instead of screaming and trying to scrape the food out with his hands.)

And I'll get to see him. (The tall one.)

And I don't want to make anyone vomit,

but I really do miss him. A lot.

Yesterday while I was running, I had this really deep thought/analogy. I think we all know deep thoughts are pretty rare for me, so I decided to share it.

At the clinic there are one way mirrors that look into the therapy rooms.

I drop Owen off at 9:00 and just a few minutes later I'm standing on the other side of the window watching him, but he has no idea I'm there. When he's in OT, the only thing that separates us is a door. And a lot of times he's screaming my name over and over, waiting for me to come in and rescue him. And even though it's painful, I know he needs to go through this for his own good. And all he has to do is walk through that door and I would scoop him up in a heartbeat and kiss him and wipe his tears away. And I thought about how life is like that sometimes. We're screaming for God to answer our prayers in the way we see fit; we're screaming for Him to rescue us and when He doesn't, we feel alone. But really He's standing right there waiting for us to run through the door and let Him comfort us and give us peace through the storm. Because sometimes we have to go through the storm in this world. But we don't have to go through it alone.

Medical Mumbo Jumbo

2011-06-20T17:59:00.000-07:00

Day 6 at the hospital was not easy.

Not even gonna lie.

There have been some tears shed today, both his and mine.

There's a lot going on with this guy and I'll do my best to sum it up. Some of it I've already mentioned:
One big issue is that he's "low tone" which basically means he's gotta beef up those muscles. He's been in so much pain, that he's gone above and beyond to avoid using his abdominal muscles. (I avoid that too but not from pain.) This has led to clumsiness and he's overused one side of his back making it tilt to one side more than the other. They are doing a lot of exercises to work on these things and they are very unnatural looking. They are also using special tape that is supposed to help stimulate the muscles.

He has also been working doubly hard to protect his esophagus from pain by curling his tongue up in the back of his mouth and sucking in his cheeks to try to prevent food from going down and hurting him. So, they are doing a lot of oral motor exercises during feeding that should hopefully correct that issue. Today there was some major cheering when he used his upper lip to clean some food off his lower lip. (I know, it's really the little things in life isn't it.....)

He keeps breaking out in rashes all over, so they're sending us to an immunologist to run some tests and see if some of his cells are working overtime and producing too many of a certain "viral attacking" kind. I don't know too much about that yet, but at the same time as those tests, they want to test his chromosomes and see if there are any abnormalities there that could be the cause of all of his GI issues.

Needless to say, trying to process all this has been a bit overwhelming. I thought we would come up here, eat a hamburger, and go back home. ha ha. I wasn't expecting to find out more things that were wrong, both physically and possibly internally, but we're working through them.

So that's our medical update. I know I used a lot of big terms like viral attacking, muscle stimulation, and cells; I'm hoping to have my degree soon. Hopefully you were able to follow along.

We did go into the city on Saturday and that was a lot of fun. After sitting in uncomfortable chairs at the hospital all week, the walking felt quite nice too. I had never been to New York before and the skyline was amazing. It was unbelievable and I hope to make it back there before we go home.

Here's Owen and I at the Plaza. Aren't we posh?

The boy has a love affair with this stroller. Seriously.

Nana and I may or may not have found a place that served $4 margaritas and we may or may not have partaken......

This is the cathedral where Todd and I will renew our vows one day. We may have to become a little bit catholic first though.

Here's what I caught Owen doing half the time.

Clearly he gets his manners from his father.

We all felt like crashing after the day,

so Sunday was more low key; we woke up and did some Father's Day celebrating from a distance.

Thankful for the great dad my kids have, the great dad I have, and the Dad that's giving me strength and courage when I need it the most. Hoping and praying that tomorrow is a better day.