Oh, 2007 Britney, I get you.

Honestly?

Today was one of those days where I wanted to quit and throw in the towel.

Okay honestly?

This whole month I've wanted to quit and throw in the towel.

Today was just the day that I voiced that opinion out loud.....to my professor.......after making a C on a test that I studied my butt off preparing for. Well not technically. Technically my butt is getting bigger because when I'm stressed, I eat. And I've been seriously stressed for the last two months so you do the math. And maybe buy me some new jeans.

Anywho......she handed me my graded exam and I did what every respectable and mature 37 year old college student does: I burst into tears. Right there. In front of the class. Yup, it was most definitely one of my finer moments in life. And then I ended up in her office where I cried some more. And she encouraged me. And told me to get more rest. And told me to stop beating myself up because I still have a B in the class and this one test will not determine what type of nurse I am.  So then I stopped crying because I was upset with myself and started crying because my professor (who, btw, is younger than me) was calling me Sweetie and taking time out of her day to encourage me to keep going. And because apparently she thinks I'm sweet. Which I think we can all agree is not the first adjective that comes to mind when most people think of me.........

And I want to keep going.
Because I think if I can live through it, it will be worth it.

And sometimes God calls us to do hard things.

And a lot of people are going through things that are a LOT more difficult than this, so I should be able to handle a little schooling, right?

Oh goodness, please tell me I'm right.

I mean, seriously:



So even though I feel like shaving my head, bashing a car with an umbrella, and throwing my A&P book in the trash, I guess I'll keep going. Because truth is I'm not Britney. I can't afford nice wigs or rehab, and my dad is definitely not controlling my millions of dollars.

The Haps In My Brain

My poor poor neglected blog.

I miss writing.

There is so much chaos these days and sometimes I forget I need to stop, sit, and write. 

Be warned: there is absolutely NO, and I mean no rhyme or reason to tonight's post. Welcome to my head.

It's a mess. A random mess of thoughts. (Act surprised.)

I have nothing to say about these two except oh my gosh I love this picture and I love these two brothers and I love how much they love each other and I love that when I see them like this all I want to do is sing "Ebony and Ivory......"

School is.....well.....school.
And school is freaking hard.
And throwing in a part time job on top of that is yikes.
And there are so many things to juggle that I live in this constant state of guilt.
If I'm studying, I feel guilty that I'm not playing.
If I'm working, I feel guilty that I'm not home.
If I'm with the kids, I feel guilty that I'm not studying.
If I'm with friends, I feel guilty that I'm not cleaning or studying or playing or exercising or hanging out with that guy who lives here, I think his name is Todd, or sleeping.

I think you get the point.

And my house is a wreck.
Toilet rings and cobwebs kind of a wreck.

Literal quote from EG's friend the other day:?
"Mrs. Rachel, I love your Halloween decorations. Especially all the real cobwebs."

Why thank you, Ella. I left those up all year just so we would be ready for Halloween. I'm glad somebody noticed and appreciates my efforts!

And I fell asleep at the dinner table tonight.
Literally. Fell. Asleep.
Todd had to kick me under the table because Isaac was telling an important story about Harry Potter or Pokemon or football or farting or something that of course made me feel guilty for not listening.

And even though school is freaking hard and guilt inducing, at least when I'm there I get to hang out with this chic (and weird models). Her name is April and she makes me laugh. A lot. Probably more than I should be laughing at school, but oh well.

Owen and a friend's puppy.
No words needed.
Bliss. Pure bliss when he has an animal in his lap.

Emma Grace took another step towards adulthood and had her ears pierced with her best friend who happens to like my cobwebs.
Oh my word.
They were so cute.
And we had such a fun date night, just the two of us girls.
And I was sad because she looks even older now.
And I'm not ready to go there.
I'm just not.

And this was Owen's Pack last weekend.
We went downtown for the Autism Society Walk/Run. Our team raised almost $1700.
AMAZING.
I love doing life with these people.
They are always there to support us and pray through our challenges and celebrate our wins.

And that's it for the random peek inside my head.
I know, it was amazing.
You're welcome.