The Insignificance of the very Significant?

In years past, the days leading up to Valentine's Day were a countdown to one of the most precious moments of my life. All I could think about was how V-day was the anniversary of packing up our belongings and passports, saying goodbye to our baby girl, and traveling to another continent to meet our first son.

In years past, we've celebrated February 17th with a vengeance. We've gone out for Ethiopian food, gotten out the pictures and told Isaac the story he loves to hear about how he met me, puked on me, and I fell in love with him. He loves to hear about the nanny's that cared for him. He loves to hear about how he came to be a part of our family.

And then enter 2013.

The sixth anniversary of bringing Isaac home.

And guess what? Valentine's Day came and went. February 17th came and went. And me? I completely and utterly forgot the significance of this week. And at first when I realized my mistake, I felt like crap. Because that's what mother's do when they forget significant things in the lives of their family.

And then I laughed.

Because I completely understand why I forgot.

I forgot for the same reason I sometimes tell women who are pregnant with their third that I carried three babies so I know what they're going through......  I forgot in the same way I forget and will think, Isaac got his curly hair from my dad. Or wonder if he gets his aptitude for math from Todd? I forgot in the same way I forget when I tell people he acts just like I do; you know, a little bit blondeish.....

Because, more times than not, I forget that Isaac didn't come from within me. I forget that his genetic makeup is not a combination of Todd's and mine. I forget hat he was not only not a part of my body, but that we were actually separated by half a world until he was 9 months old.

Simply put, he fits so seamlessly into our lives and our family that sometimes the most significant event seems insignificant because because our family just is. Does that make sense?

But then I remembered. And we thoroughly enjoyed our trip down memory lane. And I love looking back at pictures and remembering how scared I was to get on that plane. How worried I was that my love for him would feel different than my love for my biological child. How worried I was that he wouldn't fit in? How wrong I was.

Because dude fits. 

And even though I may forget significant events, I will never forget his significance!

He changed our lives and made our family whole.

So Happy Forever Family Week to my Isaac!

You are one amazing, significant little man!!

What the What, NC?

There's just nothing quite like a North Carolina Winter.

Friday, we did this:

And a mere 12 hours later, we did this:

Owen really wasn't sure how he felt about something cold and wet and white falling from the sky, but he followed the bigs lead and adjusted accordingly.

Love these people.

 

 Happy Weekending, everyone!

Surprise, Surprise

Apparently when your almost thirty year old, pregnant sister sees you sitting across a room in Texas when you're normally in NC, it can scare and confuse more than excite her. Oops. Still, her reaction made us laugh and once she realized nothing was wrong, she was pretty excited. Or pretty good at faking said excitement.  ;)

And now her birthday surprise is over and we are once again separated by many a mile, but I enjoyed my few short days in Texas!! (Thank you, Dad!!)

Birthday Dinner!!

My beautiful niece who finally decided I'm not the most terrible person in the world and let me hold her.....if her mom was out of eyesight. :)

 

And my awesome nephew who is obsessed with all things superhero and who now has a slight obsession with Temple Run 2, which may or may not be completely and totally my fault.

Apparently even Batman needs a good nap every once in awhile.

 

And perhaps the biggest surprise of all? By my return, this guy had decided he was tired of peeing and pooping in his underwear. That's right, folks, (KNOCK ON WOOD), after 8 years and a few months, the Fischer family may finally be out of diapers.

Way to go, Owen!! 

We are so so proud of you!!

Oh and I don't want to scare anybody, but my alter ego did come out in TX.

It can't be helped. Sometimes I just have to transform and try to save the world from the decepticons. I'm sure you understand.

Thanks to the Livingston Fam for having me even though I totally invited myself.

Thanks to Grandma for coming and helping Todd with our three hooligans so I could go spend time with my sister's family. You rock and I hope you're feeling better and better each day.

And even though I pretty much detest this hallmark holiday, Happy Valentine's Day to all the loves of my life!

Especially to my crazy valentine of the past we don't need to say how many years......

Random Phone Pics

Aww yeah. Lazy Saturday electronics time!

I've titled this one: "My Creepy Youth Pastor Photobombed Me."

Artiliscious Time

 

Poser

 

We Love each other, really, we do. Especially when Mom makes us lay like this.....

 

Just for old time's sake.

She's so cute!!

 

Healing

I walk in and they are singing.

A beautiful song about how "our God is greater, our God is stronger, our God is higher than any other. Our God is healer, mighty in power, our God. Our God."

And He is greater.

And stronger.

And His power is so mighty.

So very, very mighty.

And He is our God.

Our God who came.

Our God who walks daily with us.

And then I get to it.
 

The words that stick in my throat.

"Our God is healer."

And I think of a young girl struggling in the hospital right now. I think of her intestines twisting and her pain caused by eosinophils. I think of her impending surgery.

And my gut sinks.

"Our God is healer."

And I think of the eosinophils attacking my boy's body as I stand there, hands raised, praising a healing God.

And the words don't want to come out.

"Our God is healer."

And I think of a friend who had to text me to find someone to help her get into church. Because she was stuck in the parking lot. Because she couldn't carry her baby, her diaper bag, her purse, and push her 6 year old son's wheelchair at the same time.

And my eyes well.

"Our God is healer."

Healer.

And the tears come. And the frustration is there. And the pain is there. The pain of knowing I love a healing God who sometimes chooses not to heal.

And I pray with a friend.

I remember Him.

I remember another son He chose not to heal.

He made that choice for me. For you.

And I remember, thankfully, that I love a healing God who sometimes chooses not to heal.

And I know He loves the girl in the hospital.

He loves the 4 year old boy down the hall in his classroom.

He loves the toothless grin of the sweet blonde boy in the wheelchair.

And I sit in the silence of this room.

Alone now.

Just me and Him.

And I know.

He does heal.

Every time He heals.

It just may not be here.

It may not be in this world.

But He does heal.

In fact, this is one of those healing moments.

And when I picked up the four year old boy, they told me that he didn't have a great day. And usually that means he was in his "own world." And instead of the sadness that often sinks over my soul, I think,  "well, what does that matter?" It's not our world anyways.

Just the way he likes it....

Yesterday's birthday celebration was just the way my boy likes it.

It was small.

It was at home.

Everybody ate foods Owen could eat.

We didn't even try cake again this year because he doesn't like the texture.

And he ended the day with a sleepover with his siblings.

It was perfect.

And he was happy.

Woot woot.

The End.

Happy Birthday, Owen!

Happy 4th Birthday to my sweet Owen!

Really, there's not enough space on this blog for me to say all that I can say about you or any of my kids for that matter.

But you rocked my world in a way that I didn't know it needed rocking.

There are days when I'm still not convinced it needed so much rocking, but needed or not, every day you teach me something new.

You teach me about strength. And about smiling through pain.

You also teach me about screaming through pain and clinging to people who love you, even though you know they can't make it better.

You teach us as a family what it means to love and accept unconditionally.

You teach us that "normal" isn't always the best thing.

You teach us that development comes in different stages for everyone.

And you're going to develop at your own pace.

And you're going to be exactly who God created you to be.

And while we work really hard to help you socially and physically and developmentally, we've learned that all we want for you is to be the best Owen you can be.

And you are the best Owen you can be.

You are sweet and funny and anxious and difficult and trying and loving and caring and confusing and most of all, you are working really hard every single day.

You work to make sense of a world that doesn't always make sense to you. 

And I love that about you.

You, my sweet son, are determined.

And because of that, I'm determined that God will bless you and us and the world around us by your very presence. He already has and He will continue to do so. 

So thank you, Owen Zachary, for coming into my world four years ago.

I'm more tired and emotionally drained than I ever imagined, but I'm also learning every day to rely more and more on Him and that is a lesson that can never get old.

Keep running your race, little Man!

Keep being you and know that no matter how tired your dad and I are, with God,  we will always keep cheering you on!

No matter what hurdles the world throws your way,

we're in this together.

I pray that this coming year is a year full of learning and growing and overcoming.

Happy Birthday!!