Thursday, February 17, 2011

Forever Family Day

I remember this day like it was yesterday.
I remember the smells.
I remember being fascinated by all the laundry hanging to dry at the care center.
I remember giggling as we watched a group of toddlers line up outside to sit on tiny toilets.

I remember the butterflies in my stomach.
I remember the doubts.
What if he doesn't love me? Or worse,
What if I can't attach to him?
What if we get to the room of babies and I don't recognize which one he is?
I mean, what kind of mother doesn't know her own son?

I remember leaving my shoes at the door to the building and grasping Todd's hand like a lifeline.
I remember getting to the room of babies and knowing exactly which one he was.
He was the one sleeping sweetly, covered in blankets with his little finger in his mouth.

I remember Todd stepping back and letting me go first because he knew if I had to wait one second longer, I would probably lose it. This mother's wait was finally over.
I remember breaking the never wake a sleeping baby rule.
And as I gathered him in my arms, I remember his little body slumping against me. I remember his wide eyes looking up at me. And then I remember him spitting up all over me and Todd laughing.

And that was it.
We were hooked.
And we've been hooked ever since.

Isaac is the one who never leaves your side.
Todd and I laugh and say he's like a cat.
He's always rubbing up against one of us or trying to sit in our laps.
So attachment wasn't really an issue.
And that serious look in his baby eyes has been replaced by laugh lines.
And that finger that he used for security is now used to hold light sabers.

And those doubts are long gone.

Because now I know that you can definitely love a child that didn't grow in your body just as much as one that did. And he can love you back. And now I know that you will always think of another mother, especially on these special days that mark your happiness. These days are always shadowed by another's loss and prayers for birth families all over. Because in a perfect world, no child would ever have to be separated from their birth family, but unfortunately we don't live in a perfect world.

And in this imperfect world, Isaac became our son.
And I know that we are blessed.
Very, very blessed.


  1. Precious memories, each and every one. My grandma cup runneth over with love and joy for my precious Isaac! I praise God that you and Todd made the physical and emotional journey that brought this wonderful grandson into my life! I love that the serious eyes from that February are now the laughing/dancing eyes of a Fischer! Love you!

  2. what a wonderful post! You said it so eloquently! it is true, love does not have to have genetic ties, love is pure! Good luck this weekend!

  3. oh my. sitting at my computer absolutely bawling. so precious. i am so happy for your family and all the love you share.