Holidays On Crack

It it just me or has the holiday hype gone a little bit overboard? 

I mean, I'm all for a good holiday, but these days it's like holidays are on crack. Gone are the days of buying silly valentines, putting a heart in an envelope, and making sure you had one for every kid in the class. Now my kids come home with clever, crafty, full bags of candy from each kid that made the valentines we sent in look like we found them laying in a dump. Growing up, we had one "holiday" party at school the last day before Chrsitmas break where you got to watch  a movie and eat a candy cane. Now the kids come home for two weeks jacked up on sugar from the multiple events they have each day to celebrate every unique holiday. And as if that isn't enough, I have to go through major guilt because I don't participate in the whole Elf on a Shelf deal. And I'm not judging those who do - I'm just a bit anal at times so I don't need to invent excuses to make messes at my house, even at the expense of my kids happiness. Hey - I never claimed to be mother of the year. And St. Patrick's Day? Seriously? Again, when I was a kid, you pretty much forgot it was St. Patrick's Day and spent the day lying to everyone and telling them your underwear was green whilst begging them not to pinch you. Then you went home and cried and showed your mom all the huge whelps so she would feel really guilty for not sending you in something green.

And that was it.

Not anymore though.

Now there's leprechauns and pots of gold and messes and cards and parties with green juice and green eggs and green candy and who the heck knows what else?!

I mean, seriously?!

So the kids came home from school and made a leprechaun trap and a pot of gold and left it sitting on the table. They even used their spyware to try and catch the leprechauns before they made a mess because that's what leprechauns apparently do. And we all went to bed. And I told Todd, "we're just going to tell them their spyware worked really great and the leprechauns were too scared to come in."
Because again, do I really need to clean up after leprechauns when we do a good enough job of messing up our own home? Dammit Leprechauns, stop trying to steal our mess-making thunder!

6:30 AM the next day:

I get up to let the dogs out to do their business. The living room is a wreck. chairs are overturned, toilet paper is strewn everywhere. I think, "wow, Todd must have felt like we were curmudgeons (because we are) and made a leprechaun mess. Good for him."

I got back in bed.

7:15 AM. Todd gets up with all the kids.

7:20 AM:

TODD: Did you have to mess up every room in the house?!

ME: What are you talking about?

TODD: Every Single Room is destroyed. There's toilet paper everywhere, furniture overturned, toothpaste on the toilet seats, etc. Don't you think you went a little overboard?

ME: I didn't do that. I thought you did that?!

Oh my. I just laid back down. I didn't even want to face it so Todd went back out and annoyingly lit into the kids. Told them now they had to be reverse leprechauns and clean EVERYTHING up.

7:50 AM

I go upstairs to help Owen get dressed. I find two sullen faced bigs cleaning the boys room with tears running down their cheeks.

ISAAC: Mommy, we're really sorry. We were just trying to play a practical joke.

ME: Isaac and EG look at me. It's okay. You just took it a little bit too far, but we'll get it cleaned up. It's not the end of the world.

TODD (from downstairs): THANKS FOR PLAYING GOOD COP/BAD COP, RACHEL!!!

ME: Sigh.

8:25 AM:

Todd writes the kids an apology note for losing his temper as we scramble around looking for anything that has green in it and is remotely clean enough to send the kids to school in.

They leave. We start drinking heavily. We get ourselves out the door.

2:20 PM

I go to pick up two little boys I keep some afternoons.
Ben gets in the car dressed head to toe in blue.

ME: Ben, did you get pinched a lot today?!

BEN: No. Why?

ME: Wasn't today St. Patrick's Day?

BEN AND NOAH: No. It's on Sunday. Today's Thursday.


And that's how we roll around here.

THE END.


My three little leprechauns who need a new calendar and a momma who is aware of holiday dates:

 (This pic was taken on Wacky Wednesday. Not our Fake St Patrick's Day.)

And now to make up for all my previous holiday mess-ups and lackluster attempts, everyone in their classes is getting live bunnies for Easter this year. You're welcome.