Healing

I walk in and they are singing.

A beautiful song about how "our God is greater, our God is stronger, our God is higher than any other. Our God is healer, mighty in power, our God. Our God."

And He is greater.

And stronger.

And His power is so mighty.

So very, very mighty.

And He is our God.

Our God who came.

Our God who walks daily with us.

And then I get to it.
 

The words that stick in my throat.

"Our God is healer."

And I think of a young girl struggling in the hospital right now. I think of her intestines twisting and her pain caused by eosinophils. I think of her impending surgery.

And my gut sinks.

"Our God is healer."

And I think of the eosinophils attacking my boy's body as I stand there, hands raised, praising a healing God.

And the words don't want to come out.

"Our God is healer."

And I think of a friend who had to text me to find someone to help her get into church. Because she was stuck in the parking lot. Because she couldn't carry her baby, her diaper bag, her purse, and push her 6 year old son's wheelchair at the same time.

And my eyes well.

"Our God is healer."

Healer.

And the tears come. And the frustration is there. And the pain is there. The pain of knowing I love a healing God who sometimes chooses not to heal.

And I pray with a friend.

I remember Him.

I remember another son He chose not to heal.

He made that choice for me. For you.

And I remember, thankfully, that I love a healing God who sometimes chooses not to heal.

And I know He loves the girl in the hospital.

He loves the 4 year old boy down the hall in his classroom.

He loves the toothless grin of the sweet blonde boy in the wheelchair.

And I sit in the silence of this room.

Alone now.

Just me and Him.

And I know.

He does heal.

Every time He heals.

It just may not be here.

It may not be in this world.

But He does heal.

In fact, this is one of those healing moments.

And when I picked up the four year old boy, they told me that he didn't have a great day. And usually that means he was in his "own world." And instead of the sadness that often sinks over my soul, I think,  "well, what does that matter?" It's not our world anyways.

Just the way he likes it....

Yesterday's birthday celebration was just the way my boy likes it.

It was small.

It was at home.

Everybody ate foods Owen could eat.

We didn't even try cake again this year because he doesn't like the texture.

And he ended the day with a sleepover with his siblings.

It was perfect.

And he was happy.

Woot woot.

The End.

Happy Birthday, Owen!

Happy 4th Birthday to my sweet Owen!

Really, there's not enough space on this blog for me to say all that I can say about you or any of my kids for that matter.

But you rocked my world in a way that I didn't know it needed rocking.

There are days when I'm still not convinced it needed so much rocking, but needed or not, every day you teach me something new.

You teach me about strength. And about smiling through pain.

You also teach me about screaming through pain and clinging to people who love you, even though you know they can't make it better.

You teach us as a family what it means to love and accept unconditionally.

You teach us that "normal" isn't always the best thing.

You teach us that development comes in different stages for everyone.

And you're going to develop at your own pace.

And you're going to be exactly who God created you to be.

And while we work really hard to help you socially and physically and developmentally, we've learned that all we want for you is to be the best Owen you can be.

And you are the best Owen you can be.

You are sweet and funny and anxious and difficult and trying and loving and caring and confusing and most of all, you are working really hard every single day.

You work to make sense of a world that doesn't always make sense to you. 

And I love that about you.

You, my sweet son, are determined.

And because of that, I'm determined that God will bless you and us and the world around us by your very presence. He already has and He will continue to do so. 

So thank you, Owen Zachary, for coming into my world four years ago.

I'm more tired and emotionally drained than I ever imagined, but I'm also learning every day to rely more and more on Him and that is a lesson that can never get old.

Keep running your race, little Man!

Keep being you and know that no matter how tired your dad and I are, with God,  we will always keep cheering you on!

No matter what hurdles the world throws your way,

we're in this together.

I pray that this coming year is a year full of learning and growing and overcoming.

Happy Birthday!!

Confusing Holiday???

We knew there may have been some confusion about the meaning and significance of tomorrow's holiday going on in this family when Isaac approached me and said, "Mom, what am I supposed to do when all the white people are mean to me?"

"WHAT?! What white people? We don't usually describe people by skin color, Isaac. Who was mean to you?"

"Nobody. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do tomorrow when all the white people are mean to me?"

"Why would somebody be mean to you tomorrow? I am not sure what you're trying to say to me."

(Todd was standing there listening and trying to figure it out too by this point and I had to pick his jaw up off the floor and reattach it to his mouth......)

"Well tomorrow is MLK Jr Holiday and that is when white people are mean to people with brown skin and they make them sit in the back of the bus and stuff."

Oh my little lamb.

I get what you're trying to tell me now.

"Oh Isaac that happened a long time ago. Tomorrow we celebrate a man who helped end racism and mean things like that. He stood up for what was right.  Nobody is going to be mean to you tomorrow and if they are mean to you it's because they are broken and mean on the inside, not because there is anything wrong with the color of your skin."

I'm so sad that Isaac was confused and apparently dreading tomorrow. (Can't say that I blame him based on what he thought the holiday meant.) I'm pretty sure we cleared it up for him but I'm also a little worried that tomorrow when his siblings do or say something mean as siblings are want to do, he may retaliate by calling them "broken and mean on the inside." This could get interesting.....

But on the flip side, confusion or no confusion, I'm so happy that we get to honor a great man who changed the history of our world. A man who made it possible for me to have the awesome, albeit slightly confused, family that I have today.

Owen Update # 8,463.....or something like that.

We're gaining.

Slow and steady wins the race, but he's back up to the fourth percentile and I think we've hit the jackpot and found the right dosage and amount of meds to fight this nasty flare, so hopefully the scale will  continue to climb before we go back to UNC in a few weeks. And hopefully his attitude will continue to get more and more pleasant. He had a great day yesterday. Fantabulous. And we all needed it.

And we're trying underwear again.

And he's wearing it.

And we don't need to discuss how it's going, but it's going. I'm giving it (my patience) two weeks and we'll see what happens. We're letting go of expectations and giving it our best shot. And Lil'  Man likes him some Batman underwear. Who doesn't?

The End.

Hide and Seek

Saturday morning game of Hide and Seek, anyone?

Took their dad awhile to find them.

(I kept checking to make sure they were still breathing. 

And to see if I could throw a load in with them......)

Happy Weekending!

Couch to 5K

I may not have made any resolutions this year, but this girl certainly seemed to.

She ran her first 5K today.

And she still has energy to spare. 

She uses that energy to either unravel toilet paper when we're not looking or eat our shower curtain, but that's neither here nor there......

No offense to any human running partners I have had or continue to have, but running through the woods with a dog by your side is hands down one of my most favorite things in this world.

 

And this one was a great, great running partner for years, but she's almost 84 now. 

She deserves some rest.

So welcome, Little Lucy, to the world of running.

You rocked it today.

Same time tomorrow?

2013

Dear 2013,

Welcome. You pushed 2012 out the door with a vengeance. 2012 is so last year. As a country it is a year that will always be remembered as a year of tragedy. So I ask you, 2013, to please be kinder this year to a small town in Connecticut. They same "time heals all wounds;" and you 2013, are time. So please be gentle to 26 families and the community that surrounds them and help them heal.

And 2013? 

I don't think I'm going to create any personal resolutions for you this year. Let's both be honest, if you ask your predecessors, you will learn that I suck at resolutions and you'll show up each day whether I'm successful with my goals or not. Honestly right now, I don't need that kind of pressure. Thank you very much.

Oh and 2013, we don't seem to be starting off on the right foot for a certain young blonde boy who lives in my home. How about this? You work on making his days easier and less painful, and I'll reconsider my no resolution resolution for this year. Sound fair?

And in regards to him and the other two cherubs who live here, I'm going to need you to Ssssllllloooooowwwww down. Seriously. Why are you always in such a rush? 24 hours should feel like 24 hours, not 6. A week should not fly by. It should go at a normal pace. Unless we're having a bad day, then feel free to fly. Use your best discretion on a day to day basis.

2013, Each morning that we get to greet you, would you please remind us what a blessing that is? I mean, you don't have to knock us over the head with it, but sometimes we get caught up in the morning rush and we tend to forget how blessed we are.

Thanks 2013 for taking these requests into consideration.

I know you will do your best.

Oh and one last thing, nothing against time marching on and all that jazz, but I personally think I already have enough bags under my eyes and wrinkles on my face for this year. I don't want you to worry about adding more. Just leave that and I'll take it up with 2014 next January. Okay?

THANKS!

Oh and Happy New Year, 2013.

I can't wait to see what you have in store for us this year.

I'm sure it will be similar to year's past:

A year full of hoping and hurting and healing and trusting and believing and asking and most of all, hopefully giving it all to Him.