Guest Blogger

How to Have a Fun Saturday When Your Siblings are at VBS:

Step 1: Let Daddy dress you in the tackiest outfit ever. Tackiness makes Saturdays much more enjoyable.

Step 2: When nobody is looking, crawl upstairs and grab your mother's hairbrush off the bathroom counter top that you can now reach.

Step 3: When you get busted, make sure you hold on to said brush while throwing your temper tantrum at being forced to return downstairs.

Step 4: Carry the brush around for a very long time. It may look like a simple brush but it can provide hours of endless entertainment when being used as a drum, hitting device, broom, chew toy, or missile.

Step 5: Once you have exhausted all other uses for the brush, settle yourself down by the back door where you can see Daddy and the dog and continue brushing your hair. After all, the seriously lacking outfit that was beyond your control needn't set the tone for the rest of you.

Step 6: Once you are completely satisfied with your hair, move on to teeth. If your toothbrush is upstairs (which has now been gated off due to the hairbrush experience), simply climb the footstool you have been asked repeatedly not to climb and borrow your brother's.

Step 7: If there is no toothpaste available, do not fear. Dipping the tooth brush in dog water is another great way to keep your pearly whites clean.

Step 8: Please do not fret if your mother removes your brother's toothbrush. Your sister has one too. Even though it is pink, it also works very well with the dog water.

Step 9: Upon hearing the words "diaper change," go quickly into the office, shut the door behind you, and spend some time catching up on your correspondence. Hopefully when she is hit by the fumes on her way in, she will pass out and you will avoid the diaper change.

Step 10: If she insists upon ignoring your obvious gestures and changing your diaper anyways, make sure to rub both hands in your poop while tantruming on the changing table. Do not go down without a fight. I repeat, do NOT go down without a fight!

Step 11: Last but not least - actually this is probably the most important step of all: make sure to intersperse extreme cuteness with your naughty behavior. Cuteness goes a long way when you're dealing with a mother of three small children.

Hope you found this guide both informative and helpful.

Coming Soon:
How to Resist Each and Every Diaper Change
and
How To Give Your Mother Heart Attacks By Climbing on Every Surface in the House When She's Not Looking.

-Owen Zachary
17 months