Tuesday, October 4, 2011

My Isaac

Sometimes I find myself feeling self-conscious about my blog. I'm worried that sometimes it talks about our struggles too much. Or not enough. Or that it is boring (to everyone except grandparents who love the pics). Or that people will take what I say the wrong way. But then I remind myself of the reason I started it in the first place. And it is for them - the three awesome people God has blessed me with. I hope they will one day read it and enjoy the glimpse of their lives growing up and how their crazy mama handled it all. So this one is for Isaac. And if it feels like I'm talking too much about struggles lately, it's because sometimes life has seasons of struggle. And that's real life. But rest assured that God is carrying us through the rough days and giving us MUCH  joy in the midst of a tough season.

There have been some tough conversations in this house the past few weeks. We've read the books and talked to other parents and we knew that upon entering school Isaac may for the first time hear comments about our family that would confuse and upset him. (He says nobody has said anything to him at school or on the bus, but the timing seems a little too coincidental....) There have been struggles and hurts and insecurities rearing their ugly head. I wish I could erase his past and give him the one he so longs for, but I can't. And without his past he wouldn't be who he is today. And I love who he is today. I too wish he could have traveled a different road to our family, but sometimes the world doesn't work that way.

Regardless of how he came to be here,  he is in our family and to see him question his sense of belonging breaks my heart.

I understand that this is part of the adoption world. We knew it before we ever stepped foot on a plane headed half a world away. It could never change our minds about building our family this way. But when these issues come up; when we have to spend a lot of our time reassuring and hugging and loving until he feels secure again, it still breaks my heart.

So for my Isaac who I hope will one day read this blog:

You are mine.
Wholly and completely mine.

You came from a different body, it's true,

but since the moment I held you in my arms,

I've loved you.

You did not grow in me like your siblings did,

but rest assured, that does not make you any less mine.

You are my first boy.

You carry my father's name in yours.

You are the one I turn to when I need a hug and a good laugh.

Without you, our family would not be complete.

Please know that, sweet boy.

If I could ingrain it in your soul I would.

You are first and foremost God's.

But you are also mine.

Just as much as your siblings are mine. No more. No less.




And I could not be more in love.


  1. Keep doing your great mothering and by the time he's a grown up there won't be any question in his mind. He'll always wonder about his other family but there will be no question who he belongs to!

  2. I can't imagine our family, our lives, my life as Grandma Fish, without my sweet Isaac. He is my family, my grandson (my OLDEST grandson!!!) and my heart! I hurts my heart too that he wonders and asks, but it is good that he has a caring and nurturing home in which to explore who he is. All children need that, no matter the path the followed to be in our hearts! Emma Grace and Owen will do the same thing during their lives. It is also very good that Isaac has parents who are prepared, who pray, who have faith that God will help them each step of this crazy journey of parenting!
    I am so thrilled that my oldest grandson is Isaac David Tadesse Fischer....my Isaac....my family....my grandson!

  3. It is heartbreaking to know that Isaac questions his belonging but I am sure it is more than normal. What a tremendous blessing he has been to our family. He is the epitome of a sweet and loving child. I watch him with Owen and it melts my heart. He continues to teach us many things. Our hearts fully embrace Isaac as part of our family, just as we do all of the grandchildren. You and Todd are doing a magnificent job of teaching and sharing. Isaac is blessed to have the four of you.

  4. Absolutely beautiful, and I am sitting here sobbing over your words. I thank you for allowing all of us to see your struggles, and for sharing your words for Isaac. I know that you will be a mentor for me as I raise my own "first" boy. Thank you Rachel!