The Two V's in Parenting.

The following is an example of why mother's of young children need one or the other or both of the two V's. The Two V's obviously being Vicadin and Vodka.....neither of which I partake in.... Except on the rare occasion when I enjoy a nice Bloody Mary, but that is completely beside the point. Or not. You decide after reading this condensed version of a conversation recently between my oldest child and myself. And yes, I said this is the condensed version. And no, I wasn't lying. Sadly, this really is the condensed version.

A little background:

I had been away for the whole weekend on a girls weekend and had been back with the kids for approximately seven minutes when this conversation took place. I was driving by a neighborhood within about a mile of our neighborhood when EG pipes up from the backseat.

EG: Mom, Noah said they might buy a house in that neighborhood.

ME: I know. Isn't that exciting? They put in an offer yesterday.

EG: Well, how far is it from our house?

ME: I don't know exactly. Maybe a mile and a half or so.

EG: So, can I walk there?

ME: No. It's too far to walk and you have to cross a major road.

EG: I'll look both ways.

ME: Nope. You're not walking there.

EG: But I think I can walk a mile and a half.

ME: I think you can too, but you're not walking there by yourself at this age.

EG: Well, how old do I need to be before I can walk there?

ME: I don't know. Probably a teenager. Your father and I would have to discuss that one.

EG: Until I'm that old, will you walk with me?

ME: We'll see, Emma Grace. 

EG: Could we bike there?

ME: Maybe.

EG: When they move in, can we go over there?

ME: Yes. Of course.

EG: When? 

ME: I don't know yet.

EG: Well, what day do you think they'll move in?

ME: I have no idea, Emma Grace. They just put the offer in yesterday.

EG: Do you think it will be on a Wednesday?

ME: I honestly have no idea.

EG: Well, how often will I get to see Noah once he lives there?

ME: I have no idea.

EG: Can I see him every day?

ME: I doubt it.

EG: Every other day?

ME: I doubt it, Emma Grace. You guys do have school, ya know?

EG: Will we be going to the same school?

ME: No. Noah goes to a magnet school.

EG: So I won't ride the bus with him to school?

ME; Not unless you want to arrive at the wrong school.

EG: Oh. Well, can I eat dinner over there sometimes? After school?

ME: I'm sure you can.

EG: What days can I eat dinner over there?

ME: I don't know. I guess when you're invited and don't have other plans.

EG: Well, are they going to have a playroom?

ME: Yes, I think so.

EG: When can I go play in the playroom.

ME: I don't know, Emma Grace. They just put in an offer. They don't have the house yet.

EG: Do you think I can over there on Friday nights?

ME: I DON'T KNOW. Probably not every Friday.

EG: Do you think I can go over there on Saturdays?

ME: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS, EMMA GRACE, THEY JUST PUT IN AN OFFER! WE DO NOT EVEN KNOW IF THEY ARE FOR SURE MOVING THERE. COULD YOU PLEASE QUIT BUGGING ME ABOUT WHEN YOU'RE GOING OVER THERE!!

EG: CRYING hysterically.

ME: WHY are you crying?!!

EG: Because, I don't know why you're so mad at me. I just wanted to know when I could see my friend. Is that bad?

ME: (trying desperately to calm down) No, Emma Grace. That's not bad. I just don't know when that will be.

EG: Well, do you know when they will know if they can move into that house?

ME: Emma Grace, I really really think we need to talk about something else. Or just sit quietly....

EG: Why?

ME: We just do. (Because I'm about to pull my hair out.....or yours.......)

And that is just one conversation I plucked out of a million other conversations just like it. Living with small kids is like living with the riddler.  I mean they're adorable and we love them and all that jazz, but dang those suckers can ask some questions.

I know, I know. 

She's so cute though.

Point well taken.

Okay fine. Maybe after their offer is hopefully accepted and they move into the house (preferably on a Wednesday) I'll walk or bike her over there for dinner on a Friday night or a Saturday after she gets out of her separate school so she can play in the playroom with her friend Noah who she wants to see at the very least, every other day.