Heartbreak

What happened yesterday in Connecticut is atrocious and my heart is breaking for the families who lost someone, the families who are trying to help their children understand and feel safe at school again, the teachers who were heroes amidst chaos, the officers who had to see so many slain children, and my heart is breaking for a sick, young boy who was so broken that he would do something so horrifying.

And I definitely don't have the answers here. Nobody does, but there have been some comments on FB and other social media that are false. And I don't know much in this world, but I do know that what happened yesterday was not the will of God and one day when my kids read this blog, I want to make sure they understand this. So if you're looking for a lighthearted post, you may want to skip this one, but to each of my babies who I got to hold in my arms last night, please know that something horrible happened in the world yesterday. A young man killed 26 people at an elementary school. 20 of them were first graders, like you are right now, Isaac. I can't imagine if you had not gotten off your school bus today and run through the door to throw your arms around me and tell me about your day. Cannot imagine it, yet, I know it happens. It has happened before and unfortunately, it will happen again.

And when it does happen, you will hear people say things like the following:

"- good for the children who get to be with Jesus again."

"-God needed more angels."

"-thank goodness hell exists for the person who did this."

"-this happened because God is not in our schools."

etc, etc, etc.....

And I want you to know that your mother does not agree with those statements. Let me start by saying something that has taken me awhile to grasp; what happened yesterday was not God's will. Our God does not create suffering on this earth. Does He have the power to stop it? Yes. Why didn't He? Only He knows, but He didn't create it. We create tragedy in our evil, selfish desires and He unfortunately has to walk with us through the trials and messes our human flesh create. And while the parents of those children may one day be thankful that Heaven exists and it may bring them comfort to know their child is now safe from the evils of this world, it does not mean that yesterday was God's will. He did not have spare wings and create a tragedy just to increase His celestial beings. Far from it; it was proof that evil exists. It was proof that Satan is real and we need God now more than ever.

And out of our need for Him, we should never be thankful that Hell exists. God does not rank our sins, so can you imagine what it means to be thankful that hell exists? It means that, without the grace of Jesus, we would all be headed there. It means separation from God for eternity. That is a really really long time to be separated from the father. It is not our place to judge the boy who did this. It is our place to love as Jesus loves. It is our place to learn from this. It is our place to look at that boy's life and perhaps reach out to others who are hurting like him before they too become broken beyond repair.

And to see people write over and over again that this happened because God is not in our schools absolutely breaks my heart. God is in our schools. God is everywhere. If you have faith and believe in Him, you should know this at your core. Just because teachers aren't "allowed" to teach about God in public schools doesn't mean He doesn't show up there everyday. I've worked in schools and believe me, He's there. And He was with those families yesterday just as much as He was with families thousands of years ago as their first born sons were being ruthlessly murdered by Pharoah. You see we live in a broken world. And you don't have to read very far into the bible to realize that it has been broken for a long, long, long time.

But thankfully, by the grace of Jesus, we don't have to live in this brokenness forever.

One day we will all go home because of a baby that was born in a manger and because of a man who lived on this earth for 33 years and tried to change the lives of people like Adam Lanza and you and me.

And amidst this tragedy, I hope our nation can grow and love and change some gun laws and surround the families who are hurting and offer them love and peace and time to mourn, and I hope we can remember the reason for this time of year and the hope that Jesus brings to our shattered world.

And I hope you, Emma Grace, Owen, and Isaac, though you may lose your faith in humanity, I hope you will never lose your faith in our God.