Reality

"Who knew we could want to provide something so desperately for our children, to heal and protect them, but find ourselves profoundly unable? The stakes have gone up in our lives, the way they do, it seems, every time you decide to love something.”

[S. Niequist]

I'm raw tonight.

We took a step backwards this week.

I don't want to go backwards anymore.

I don't want to see the scales going down.

I don't want to hear him scream in pain anymore.

I trust God.

I love God.

But I'm done.

Except I'm not done.

Because how can I be done when he's not better yet?

So I'm praying for strength.

We have some big appointments this week.

So I'm praying for answers.

I'm praying for wisdom.

I'm praying for the healing only He can give.

I'm praying that He makes me the best advocate my littlest could ever need.

I'm apologizing for my negativity the past few days.

I'm giving thanks for the friends who have lifted me up.

Life is hard. He never promised it would be easy.

And I'll be back soon with my usual frivolous (and slightly sarcastic) updates.

Tonight though? Tonight, I'm using you.

I'm venting.

And it's scary to put these feelings out there.

But I'm sad.

And it sucks.

And I thought maybe if I put this out there....

Maybe you can pray for my littlest with me.