Saturday, September 4, 2010


"Who knew we could want to provide something so desperately for our children, to heal and protect them, but find ourselves profoundly unable? The stakes have gone up in our lives, the way they do, it seems, every time you decide to love something.”

[S. Niequist]

I'm raw tonight.

We took a step backwards this week.

I don't want to go backwards anymore.

I don't want to see the scales going down.

I don't want to hear him scream in pain anymore.

I trust God.

I love God.

But I'm done.

Except I'm not done.

Because how can I be done when he's not better yet?

So I'm praying for strength.

We have some big appointments this week.

So I'm praying for answers.

I'm praying for wisdom.

I'm praying for the healing only He can give.

I'm praying that He makes me the best advocate my littlest could ever need.

I'm apologizing for my negativity the past few days.

I'm giving thanks for the friends who have lifted me up.

Life is hard. He never promised it would be easy.

And I'll be back soon with my usual frivolous (and slightly sarcastic) updates.

Tonight though? Tonight, I'm using you.

I'm venting.

And it's scary to put these feelings out there.

But I'm sad.

And it sucks.

And I thought maybe if I put this out there....

Maybe you can pray for my littlest with me.


  1. I will....I am.....always! Know that the prayers for Owen are expanding, like a pebble in a pond, the circle of faithfulness expands as each one asks one to join in prayer. God is faithful, all day, every day. Please know we pray for you as the loving, caring, and best advocating mom you are! We will pray without ceasing!

  2. You are a strong young woman with a strong faith. We are praying daily as well as many, many others. As a Mom, there is nothing worse than watching one of your children suffer. You and Todd are and have been the best advocates for little Owen. We don't usually get to know the plan, probably best. Your faith will get you through the times. I love you, Mom

  3. ((hugs)) Rachel. Your family, and especially little Owen are in our prayers. I am so sorry to hear things aren't going well. I know how hard it is for me to watch Matthew suffer with his things and I can't imagine how hard it must be to feel so helpless with Owen. Sending lots of love and prayers your way. Please keep me updated.

  4. Rachel, we are so blessed to live in an area with top-notch doctors, and to have health insurance. He might be taking a step back right now, but the doctors will surely help you to get him back on track soon. Hang in there!